Dancing on Ice Fanfiction

I do not own any of the people in this story, and I do not mean to cause any harm/offence to anyone reading this.

Demons

I was sitting on the balcony of my rented apartment near the Dancing On Ice studios, my marriage had been slowly going downhill for a few years, Stephen and I had agreed to go our separate ways. A similar thing had happened to Chris and Jill’s marriage, Jayne and I had agreed to stay with Chris on alternating nights. Tonight it was my turn to stop with Chris, I had already packed an overnight bag and as usual on my way to his flat I stopped off at the local Dominos and picked up a couple of pizzas as I’m terrible at cooking and Chris was in no state to be using knives or operating hot ovens. 

I stepped out of my car, carefully balancing the pizzas on my arm while I hooked my handbag and overnight bag over my arm. Before I could reach my arm out to press the buzzer for the main door, Chris opened it and walked over to me as he could obviously see that I was struggling with my bags and took the bags off my arm. 

“Why thank you Mr doorman, what a gent” I giggled

“No problem Madam, always at your service”

Chris held the door open for me, he looked so lost, much better than a few days ago. It would take a long time to get him back to normal, you wouldn’t think it but he is such a sensitive and emotional man. This divorce had hit him hard, as far as he could see there was no way forward in life. He had lost his sons, his wife, the only people he had now were Jayne and I. Once again he opened the door for me, as I stepped into the living room I saw an empty bottle of wine and a ¾ full bottle of vodka. 

“Started without me eh?”

Chris looked at me with a confused look on his face

“The coffee table”

“Oh yeah, sorry” 

I already had an inkling of what he was doing to himself after Jayne said yesterday that she had to go out and buy more wine while she was staying with Chris. This was just not Chris at all, the wine rack was always full, there was always plenty of whiskey and definitely plenty of wine at Chris’s.

To be honest, I had done the same too just after Stephen and I called it a day. I would normally have a glass of wine at the end of the day, just to take the edge off. But one glass a night mixed with feelings of anger, hate and tears turned into another glass and then another. I should tell him to stop drinking, but as I know when someone told me to stop, it only made me want to drink more, let alone open up about anything.

“No need to apologise, now get me a glass while I sort the food out”

“White or red? or vodka”

“White please, you know I can only do vodka when I’ve drunk so much that I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing”

Chris laughed “And what a wonderful sight that is”

“Oh dear God it’s not, you’re just as bad, I can remember when Holly filmed filmed you, me, Jayne and Robin when we all decided we were Bucks Fizz and attempted to re-create the ‘Making Your Mind Up’ routine - now that was a wonderful sight”

“Not as wonderful as when you and Robin tried to do the Dirty Dancing lift”

“Correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t you and Jayne attempt that too?”

“You are correct, now do you want your wine or not?”

“Yes please”

Chris placed the wine down on the coffee table where I was cutting up the pizza

“Thanks….How are you doing?”

“Getting there, with the help of you, Jayne and my good old friends Mr whiskey and Mrs wine”

“I’m not going to tell you to stop drinking ‘cause that will do more harm than good...what about venting out to me, I honestly don’t mind, you and Jayne had to do it for me”

Chris spun himself around so he was sitting cross legged on the sofa resting his back on the armrest, he pulled my feet up and placed them onto his lap so I was now facing him. He started to sing ‘This Little Piggy’ and playing with my toes. 

“Stop trying to distract me…”

“Sorry”

Chris stopped singing and playing with my toes, he looked up at me. He looked so lost, so...I don’t know. 

“The drink…..it’s the only thing getting me through this”

“I’m not bothered about that, I’m bothered about you, that’s all that matters. You and Jill are on good terms right?”

“Well, yeah. We agreed to be amicable for the boys”

“Good, that means you can see the boys - I know the worst part for me was getting used to not having someone there when you wake up in the morning. The little things are the ones you miss the most, the ‘good morning beautiful’ when you wake up, the goodbye kiss when you both go off to work”

“Jill and I never really had that, I was always over here and she was in America”

“I know that, I know it must have been so hard for you”

“The boys. That’s what I’ll miss the most”

I looked up, one single tear fell down Chris’s cheek

“Come here”

I leant over to Chris and wrapped my arms around him. 

“Bloody hell Karen you’ve downed those two glasses quickly” Chris joked

I released my arms from around him and poured myself another glass of wine

“That’s what talking about divorce does to me…I was surprised that you had these two bottles left, I thought the way Jayne said you had been drinking that the place would have no alcohol left”

“I’m not that bad, I’ve kurbed the drinking now...how did you cope?”

I started picking at my nails, it was one thing I did when I was either nervous or hiding something. I’m sure all the years I have known Chris he has picked up on this.

“I...I didn’t”

I rolled up the sleeve of my cardigan and lightly traced my fingers over the small scars from the time where I thought there was no way back

“I did this...It still hurts after all this time, I still hate myself for it….I used to do it because everything I saw was black, after I started, the world didn’t seem so dark”

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, there was no point in stopping myself from crying

“I was a victim of my own mind. I may have seemed like I was getting on at the time when Stephen and I split up, but girls learn to fake things at a very early age and that is very worrying. I thought that it was all my fault that we split up, my fault that he had fallen out of love with me. It made me hate myself. There were times when I would just sit there after crying, staring at the wall, completely emotionless. Drinking and cutting was the only thing that gave me a release from all the anger and hate”

I looked up, Chris had stopped crying, he reached out to my arm and kissed my scars

“A magic kiss to make you better”

I pulled the sleeve of my cardigan down and hugged my knees up against my chest

“You’re the only person I’ve told about this. Dan had his suspicions but those just seemed to wear off. Please, please don’t tell anybody. I still haven’t come to terms with why I did it to myself, so how the hell anyone else could is beyond me”

“You shouldn’t hate yourself, you’re not worthless”

“I’ve realised that now...I think. Chris do not ever shut yourself away, never drink alone. Drinking alone is **** whether you’re feeling depressed or not, if you ever feel like you want to have a drink, call me and I’ll come over. You know I’ll never turn down a drink”

“You’re making yourself sound like an alcoholic, but I will certainly take you up on your offer”

“Good”

Chris took hold of my hand and traced his thumb over my knuckles. 

"Thank you for this. You've made me realise that life now isn't all that bad"

"Not a problem, and thank you for listening to me droning on"

"Listen sweetheart, I will always listen to you, however big or small the problem is" 

"Thank you, that really means the world to me"

Chris lifted my hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on my hand

"A true gent, thank you Mr Doorman"

"My pleasure Madam"