Chris woke up early like normal but he didn’t want to disturb Karen; normally he’d get up and potter about for a while until he had somewhere to be or do, but he couldn’t do that when he wasn’t in his own home. He attempted to go back to sleep for a while, after he leaned across to check the time on his phone which read 6:08, but he didn’t seem to be able to fall asleep at all, he just lay on his back, staring at the patterns on the ceiling. He’d occasionally glance over at Karen who was peacefully dreaming, and his mind wandered to wonderful places, his imagination was an amazing place sometimes when he wasn’t over thinking too much.
“Morning beautiful,” he said as soon as he noticed Karen slowly open her eyes and turn over to face him with a smile on her face.
“Good morning handsome..” she said, right before Chris leant down and kissed her lips quickly, nothing too passionate or intense, but the feeling was there. “Did you sleep ok?”
“With you by my side, yes, perfectly. You?”
“Of course..” she said and leaned up to kiss him, for a bit longer this time.
“Want a coffee?”
“Please..”
Chris padded down to the kitchen being wary to see if the girls were around, he knew it was going to take a while to get used to having two teenage girls in the house, and probably extremely awkward for a while as well. He didn’t know how long the relationship was going to last or whether it was even going to happen properly, but he liked Karen a lot and she seemed to like him too, so it was looking hopeful.
“Here you go darling,” he said being careful not to spill the hot coffee that he’d filled the mugs up far too much with, he placed one down on Karen’s bedside table and balanced his carefully on the other side. “The girls aren’t up yet?” he told her glancing at the time again, it was now 9:13.
Karen laughed before replying, “Chris they’re teenagers, it’s a Saturday morning, believe me they won’t be up for a while yet..” and then lifted the boiling hot mug between her hands and took a long sip.
“Karen, can I ask something?” he didn’t wait for a reply before continuing, she wouldn’t have been able to reply at that moment anyway with the coffee in her hands, but she looked over to him sideways in response. “I’m kind of worried that the girls won’t like me… like you said they’ve not had a man around the house since Stephen, which I find very hard to believe by the way, because you’re absolutely stunning-”
“Chris I get it, it’s fine, and this is going to be a bit difficult to begin with for all of us, I know that… but we’ll get through it yeah and soon we’ll all be very happy together I’m sure. That’s if you are going to stick around and not just use me so you have somewhere to stay until you find someone else, yes?” Karen butted in, but then felt a wave of nervousness as she finished what she was saying as she realised they’d not actually confirmed anything or discussed what was going to happen.
“Don’t look so worried!” he said smiling at her concern. “of course I’m sticking around, if you want me to that is. Karen, do you realise I’ve just left Jayne to be here with you?!” he asked her with all seriousness about him, the fact she’d brought it up first made him question whether she remembered why he was there.
“Oh gosh of course, sorry…” she admitted. “I’m just getting all worried about nothing now aren’t I? So, erm, what’s… what’s going to happen with…us?” she asked shyly.
“I, I don’t know… I mean, what do you want to happen? I want to be with you Karen.”
“I want to be with you too… but, how soon? Want to just jump straight in or…? I mean, you clearly still love Jayne a lot… every time I think about the two of you I feel bad…”
“What have you got to feel bad about?”
“Well I just kind of jumped in and basically split the two of you up, I mean, you’re fricking Torvill and Dean, you’re soul mates according to most people? I’m pretty sure most people think you’re married.” the more Karen the talked the more regret filled her body and mind, she paused and thought for a second before carrying on. “Oh my god what have I done? I’m so, so sorry Chris, I really am, you should just go back to Jayne and… no you should just call her right now and tell her you want her back, you want to marry her and have lots of children with her and stay together forever…” tears pricked at Karen’s eyes as she thought about what she was saying.
“Karen. Sshh…” Chris put a finger on her lips and pulled her into a big warm hug, squeezing her tight in his arms. It made her cry a little, a few tears escaped down her cheeks but it did make her feel a little better at the same time. “ssh baby it’s ok… I’ll admit leaving Jayne was a risk, but I did it because I love you… even if I hadn’t have left her so soon it would have happened eventually, I hope anyway. I know we didn’t plan to be living together so soon and if it is too soon maybe I’ll just find my own place close to here until we’re ready, but whatever happens I’m not just going to walk out on you ok? Understand?” he said it all whilst holding her close to his chest, stroking his fingers through her hair gently like she was a delicate doll. He wanted to make her feel loved, and he did. She’d not felt that safe in so long, she didn’t have a pair of arms to be wrapped in, or a big warm body to cuddle, or anybody to talk to really, and Chris had come and made her very happy, she hoped what he was saying was all true because she’d not felt like that for a while.
“Ok..” she said in a voice that was barely audible, but she felt much better hearing the words come out of his mouth like that.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked pulling away from the hug to look at her, and wiped her cheeks with his finger.
“Yes, sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry sweetheart.” he brought her close to him and hugged her close to his body again. “So you want to just take things slow for now and go with the flow?” he said as Karen slowly released herself from his hold.
“Sounds good to me,” he said, and kissed her on the lips again, for about 10 seconds this time.
“Don’t you need to get all your things back from Jayne’s though?” Karen said, realising she’d already resorted to calling it Jayne’s place.
“Yeah I do at some point but I can make do for a couple of days I think…” Chris hadn’t thought much about going back there, he’d been caught up in all the feelings and there hadn’t been much time to think about what they were seriously going to do. Only when Karen brought it up did his mind then begin to wonder about all sorts of things, and his personal things was definitely one of them. He had all his gadgets, clothes, the tv in the bedroom was technically his too, and he was sure there was other bits and pieces around the house that belonged to him, it was just finding them. Then there was bound to be things shared between him and Jayne that they would have to decide who was going to have what, or just discard those items.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to get you thinking.” Karen said realising he was thinking about Jayne again. One thing she’d already learnt they had in common was that they thought a lot, mainly about what was happening in their lives and personal feelings, and Karen was excellent at knowing when people were thinking deeply. She was a massive thinker, she probably thought too much for her own good, and she came to the conclusion that Chris was like that as well.
“It’s ok.. erm… when I go back and get my things, will erm, will you come with me?” he was worried to ask her it would be a risky move if she did go with him, it wasn’t going to be a sweet encounter if Jayne was there at the time which she probably would be. Karen could see the worried look on Chris’s face as he bravely asked his question, she could tell it was difficult for him to get out.
It silenced her for a few seconds while she thought about what to say, honestly without hurting his feelings. “Much as I’d love to Chris,” she started. “are you sure it’s a good idea? I mean, Jayne will be there and all won’t she? I don’t think it’s a particularly good idea that the two of us meet do you?”
“I suppose not.. I just, I don’t know if I can face her alone…”
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to accompany you, I’ll probably make things about 10 times worst to be honest with you.”
“Hmm I suppose…”
“You’re going to have to face her at some point anyway aren’t you? It’s not like you’re going to get away with life and never see her ever again is it? You can do it Chris, you’re strong, I know you are. You’ll be absolutely fine.” She said in her most confident tone so that Chris wouldn’t be able to tell she was just as nervous as he was.
“if you’re sure… I suppose you do have a point.” He agreed. “I think I’m going to go later on today, I know it’s soon but I’d much rather get it over with sooner, is that ok? And are you sure it’s ok that I stay here?”
“Yes I’m sure I’m okay about everything,” Karen giggled. “and that’s brilliant, as long as you’re positive you want to face it so soon… I’m sorry I can’t come with you I really am, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I know, I understand…”
“You should be good at this by now shouldn’t you? You’ve been married twice I understand?” Karen said trying to make a joke.
“Oh god yes don’t remind me, I’m just not good at relationships, as you’ve probably guessed! Walking out on Isabelle was easy, I’d not even known her that long, that’s how much of a fail that marriage was, it was pretty much ‘for a laugh’. Jill was the one that ended that marriage, though I knew it was going to fall apart, she wasn’t happy with me and Jayne skating and spending so much time together, but that was difficult, because of the boys, I just wanted the best for them both. But Jayne, I don’t know, I just never thought I’d be in the position of leaving her, not ever…” he trailed off and then looked up at Karen, realising he’d made her feel awful again, he seemed to be good at that. He needed to stop bringing up Jayne so often in the conversation, unless it was something negative, because it made Karen feel bad and then Chris felt bad for making Karen feel bad and so on, it was like a vicious cycle.
“Sorry,” he said apologising for bringing up Jayne again, he promised himself that once he’d been to get his things from the old house he wouldn’t bring her up again, no matter what. She was now pretty much irrelevant in his life, as much as he hated to admit it. He’d still never forget her, how could he, when she’d played such a huge part on his life? He just had to forget all about her, he’d ruined their friendship totally as well as their relationship by going off with Karen, and he hoped that Karen appreciated that, it wasn’t easy for him to do by any means.
“Don’t be sorry, I know she means a lot to you. I know it’s going to be hard, but we can do this, you can do it, you can forget about her. Not being funny, but if you loved her that much then you wouldn’t have left her for me would you?” she stated truthfully. She felt a little bit mean hearing the words come out of her own mouth, she wasn’t usually a bitchy person but it was the truth after all. A few months down the line and everything will be fine, she told herself. Chris opened his mouth to speak but Karen continued talking, “sorry, I can’t believe I even just said that, I’m not sure I can do this…”
“Karen please stop it? I have no regrets leaving Jayne, we weren’t really going anywhere with our relationship to be honest, just stop thinking about her ok, I think that’s the best way forward? Just forget she exists, forget you know about her, forget we were ever together in any way, and I’ll do the same. That way we can start from scratch without us both worrying about her… does that sound ok?”
“Yeah I suppose,” she said, and then they kissed passionately, for a few seconds, Chris put his arms around Karen’s waist and she deepened the kiss, until Karen’s phone went off and disrupted them.
“It’s Emma, she wants picking up… I’d better get dressed and then go and get her, I won’t be long she’s only about 15 minutes away…” she said quickly getting out of bed and finding some clothes from her wardrobe, finding a towel from the cupboard and heading to the bathroom.
“I suppose I’d better get myself sorted as well then, and then think about going to get my things.”
As soon as Karen had left the room Chris changed into the same clothes he’d had on the day before because that was all he had, and then made the bed making it look perfect with the duvet tucked in at the edges and the pillows positioned perfectly. He then sat in the middle of it and got out his phone, playing games until Karen returned.
“Chris I’ve changed my mind… I want to come with you to get your things,” she said as she hurried around the room searching for her make up.
“Are you sure? I thought we agreed it was a bad idea?”
“I know it probably is, but I don’t want to leave you… I won’t come in, I’ll just sit in the car and be there for moral support,” she decided.
“Well if you’re sure I can’t argue can I?” he said smiling. “Thank you Karen, it does mean a lot.”
“I’ll finish getting ready, go and get Emma and then we can go, how’s that?” she said as she sat down at the dressing table beginning to straighten out her fringe and the front part of her hair.
“Thank you so much,” he said again.
**
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Karen asked as they turned down the road, she put her hand on his thigh and patted it comfortingly. “If you’re not ready we can always turn around and come again another day?”
“No I just want to get it done… besides I can’t live in these clothes for much longer,” he said smiling worriedly.
“Good luck,” she said as they sat on the driveway for a minute while Chris plucked up the courage to go inside, he got took the keys out the car and found the right one, guessing Jayne wasn’t going to let him in in a hurry.
“Thanks Kaz,” he said placing a kiss on her cheek before he got out the car and walked up to the house, Karen craned her neck to see if she could see anything that was going on through the window.
Jayne was sitting on the sofa hugging her knees, she didn’t have any make up on and her hair was pulled back roughly into a scruffy bun, she had the laptop sat next to her but she had barely looked at it, she was getting moral support from her sister who she’d spent most of the evening on the phone too the night before, and was now chatting away on facebook, telling her every last detail, and how she didn’t understand anything anymore. She didn’t know what to feel, to smile because it had happened or cry her heart out because it was over, the second option seemed like the more likely choice but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to cry, it didn’t feel like any other break up she’d been through before and she’d been through a fair few in her life. It wasn’t the type where she’d have a few friends over and get the ice cream out the freezer, and then a few days later she’d feel back to normal and be single and ready to mingle again, she almost felt like she didn’t want to give up on Chris even though he’d cheated on her.
“Jayne, I’ve come to get my stuff, I hope you don’t mind… I’m sorry, I really am , I never meant for you to find out like that, or at all any time soon, I was going to be honest with you if I’d had more time, it wasn’t easy. I didn’t want to end this relationship with you but now it’s got to, I hope we can still keep in contact some way I guess, even if we don’t stay friends, because I know that can never happen.” There was sadness in his voice, and a little bit of doubt, and he wondered yet again if he was doing the right thing, not that he had much of a choice now, it was too late to turn back.
“I don’t care Chris, I thought we had something special here, a life long relationship but obviously I was wrong, so just please take your things and go, I’m not in the mood to get into a fight or object, so just be quick about it and leave.”
Chris didn’t want to say anything more to her so he did as she said and went upstairs to the bedroom, trying to hold back the tears as he thought about what he was throwing away, but deep down he felt confident with his new life that was about to begin, he wasn’t going to look back on the past and dwell on it, he was going to look forward to the happy times he was going to share with Karen.
He took his big suitcase off the top of the wardrobe and carelessly threw all of his things into it, cramming every item of clothing he had and squeezing it tight shut. He filled a couple of bags with other things that he found as he wondered around the house trying to be as quick as possible. He took it all out to the car a couple of bags at a time and bundled it all into the boot, not saying a word to Karen yet, Jayne hadn’t noticed that Karen was in the car fortunately.
“Goodbye Jayne,” he said as he took the last couple of bags that had his gadgets in, his laptop, ipad, ipod and a pair of skates were thrown in there too. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out, take care, if I’ve left anything just text me.” And with that he shut the door behind him and climbed into the car, taking in a deep breath.
“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” he said weakly smiling at Karen. “I think that’s everything , all the important stuff anyway, Jayne can do whatever she likes to whatever I’ve left behind.” He let out a big sigh.
“It’s going to be ok,” Karen said reaching over to squeeze his hand.
