Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. It's fiction only and no offence or harm is intended.
Rating: 13
It was stupid of me I know I mean bloody stupid even more than that I want to kill myself why I done it I don't know will never know probably. I knew it wasn’t a good idea in the first place to go out drinking on my own it never ends well but never as bad as this. I guess I was just lonely, upset, needy and missing Chris I wasn't thinking straight I hadn't been thinking straight for the past two weeks since Chris had gone away to spend Christmas in America with his two sons Jack and Sam like he did every year, I would of and could have gone with him but that Jill Trenary was going to be there and me and her did not get on she hated me and I hated her it wouldn't have been fair on the boys as we always seemed to get in some sort of scrap most the time over something so petty and stupid for no reason just simply for hating one another so much.
It was Boxing-day evening I must have been the only person celebrating on my lonesome so I decided to get up from where I had been lying all day on the sofa with the duvet in front of the TV watching whatever crap there was on and went to get ready to go out. I really wish I had never gone out though now and one massive regret that was if I had magic powers to turn back time I would. I was just feed up of being on my own though the first week wasn't so bad but this second week I had been on my own all week. Jayne and her husband Phil and their two children Jessica and Kieron had gone abroad for Christmas to spend time together just them as a family before Dancing On Ice started again in the new year and my two girls were up North spending Christmas this year with their father as they were with me the previous Christmas, so I was just left all on my own not the way I had really planned my Christmas and boxing day to be.
That one night I just wish I'd not got so stupidly drunk and out of my mind no one was meant to get hurt I swear this was the last thing I wanted to happen but it did just happen, and I think I got what I deserve as I think I'm the one hurt the most by my childish, selfish stupidity now I guess but it's happened now and there is nothing that can be done. I went to a club in town it wasn't far from where my apartment was that way I didn't have to fork out for a taxi and have to go in it on my own so I walked, it did take a little longer than it usually would with the heels I was wearing they were higher than any I've worn before they were a Christmas present from my best-est friend Jayne.
It was busy when I got there I did feel the odd one out to start with as everyone else was with someone - with their partners all loved up sharing kisses and drinks. I got my first couple of drinks then mingled in with everyone but I just didn’t feel in the Christmas mood and spirit and chatting to people I didn't know it wasn't the same as chatting to people I did know. It was about 9pm I was getting a bit bored and running out of things to say after sitting at the bar just drinking and chatting with the bar man for over an hour now, it was better than sitting at home on my own and he was funny he wasn't bad looking either which made it better I was old enough to be his mother though, he seemed a rather nice person however I'm sure he was looking down at my chest while speaking to me most of the time rather than looking directly at me.
I was about to go but then I was joined by someone who I hadn't seen in ages I went to school with him ages ago he greeted me with a kiss on both my cheeks and a friendly cuddle I hadn't had anyone's arms around me since Chris had gone away so it was a special feeling. Dan was such a gentleman he always use to use his charms on us girls back in the days at school and always seemed to have a girlfriend he was such a lovely person, so down to earth and always said what he thought of something or someone we always used to be very close friends but lost contact when he moved away to study in University on the other side of the World.
"Hello stranger, haven't seen you in years, how are you?" I asked so please to see him and gave him a hug back.
"I'm fine and I must say you look great darling, I mean it stunning and where didthat tiny, little, innocent and quiet Karen I used to know get boobs like that from?" we both were laughing it's just like something he would come out with.
"Cheeky" I said hitting him on the arm gently and playfully.
"No they look great very nice indeed I just couldn't see you the little, sweet, innocent and quiet girl at school having something like that done who's the lucky fella then?"
"Christopher Dean…"
"What the Christopher dean Jayne’s skating partner?" Dan had never met Chris before he knew who he was though and he also used to be good friends with Jayne in the younger years too.
"Yep"
"So where is he then?"
"In America he goes every year at Christmas to see his sons"
"So why you not gone with him then?"
"His ex wife is there and we don't get on at all so I'm best staying here out the way even though that's what I thought would be better but I've had to spend the whole week on my own not what I had planned"
We were chatting away for ages having a good catch up we hadn't seen Each other in over 30 years so there was a lot to talk about we had drank quite a bit by now too it was getting late and the club was not far from closing. He had just split up from his wife after 17 years and I was going to be on my own so I invited him back to mine for a coffee we were both going to be lonely for the rest of the night so I thought why not. When we got back he took a seat on the sofa and I went to make the coffees coming back with a bottle of wine instead and two glasses it's boxing day why are we drinking coffee that was it. One thing lead to another and the next thing I know I'd dragged him into the bedroom and he had just slipped my dress off me it was on the floor and was standing in front of him in my sexy lacy underwear that was supposed to have been for Chris when he got back. I'd drunk that much I had forgot about Chris as I pushed Dan back onto the bed just about to take my killer 7.5 inch heels off but he told me to keep them on as he thought they made me even sexier and turned him on even more.
***
“Karen baby I’m home are you not up yet its mid day nearly?” Chris called as he entered the door to the apartment in London that he and Karen had brought when they first started seeing each other last year. I woke hearing his voice the second time he called my heart started to beat faster and faster and faster as I heard his footsteps come closer and closer to the bedroom I was near on having a panic attack, my little black dress from the previous night was on the floor in the door way, my lacy underwear was on the floor round the other side of the bed which would usually be Chris’s side, the killer heels were at the end of the bed and I was lying naked in the arms of another man who was also naked in the same bed as me. I couldn’t move I just froze the door opened slowly as Chris walked in his face when he saw what was/had been going on I burst into tears burying my head in Dan’s chest he had just woke as Chris walked in the bedroom door no one said anything we were just all shocked and surprised at what was going on it was so awkward. What had I done? Why am I always so stupid and needy that this happens to me? I was saying to myself over and over again no one had moved or said anything yet.
Should I carry this on?
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Thank you for the comments I may do a bit more later or if not tomorrow and also to make it clear it is not Daniel Whiston that Karen has just slept with as some people thought not mentioning any names Lauren Ash (Sk8tingGleek) haha was in fits when you told me you thought it was Dan W lol it was just the first name that popped into my head so I thought I'd use it x
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. It's fiction only and no offence or harm is intended.
Rating: 13
Chris walked out the room not saying a word and sat with his head in his hands on the sofa I wasn’t sure at the point exactly what was going through his head I guess he can’t have been too happy with me and guess I was the last person he wanted to see, he didn’t start shouting and going mental which surprised me he probably would later on though. I began crying again nothing new there though it was something a lot of people hated about me especially Jason Gardiner he’d always complain and make comments how I was to over emotional but I can’t help that it’s just the way God made me I’m a very sensitive person there’s nothing wrong with that or is there? Dan tried to comfort me by pulling me in closer and holding me tighter but I couldn’t accept his comforting support not the situation we had got into it was wrong Chris should be comforting me I am his fiancée after all but that wouldn’t be right either, so I pulled away got up and put some clothes on quickly. I just threw on an old pair of jog bottoms and a t-shirt one of my favourites actually it was plan and simply Chris had brought it for me in fact it was the first thing he’d brought for me when we began seeing each other.
“Dan I think you should go… it was a nice evening and thank you for keeping my company last night but things just went too far…” I didn’t know what to say I didn’t want to sound like I was being nasty or anything and I hope it didn’t come across that way.
“Yes… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get you into this situation…” he didn’t look at me when he spoke he picked his clothes up off the floor quickly getting back into them.
“Don’t blame yourself please it’s no one’s fault we both drunk god knows how much and…” I stopped when I felt him place a warm kiss on my cheek.
“Hope to see you around again feel free to drop in anytime you are near… I hope things aren’t awkward between us… friends still?” I smiled weakly wrapped my arms around him.
“Of course”
As soon as I heard the front door close I fell to the floor and sat there tears pouring down my face again I wanted to go out and speak to Chris tell him everything that happened that it didn’t mean anything we were both drunk and lonely but I just couldn’t bring myself to it I didn’t even know if he was out there in the living room still, I hadn’t heard the door open or close only when Dan left but that was it I was pretty certain he was still out there. I fell again from the position I was sitting in to lying down I could feel the soft material on my face of the brand new cream carpet we had not long had fitted when we decorated just before Christmas. I looked down as my hand and caught sight of my engagement ring that was also quite new Chris had proposed to me at the beginning of December the ring was so pretty and again so simply but I loved it I can’t remember the last time I was as happy as I was on the day Chris proposed to me. We hadn’t yet set a date for the wedding it probably wouldn’t have been for a couple of years time yet with Dancing On Ice and that it meant we were always so busy I was happy to be engaged nothing else mattered just yet, I very much doubt we will be getting married for a while yet though now if not at all.
I was right Chris hadn’t moved in the last hour he was still sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands looking down at the floor he still had his coat and shoes on and his bags were just dumped in the middle of the room. I put a hoody on feeling a cold draft from somewhere and joined Chris on the sofa slowly moving my arm so it was around Chris’s shoulder. Jumping back sharply though when Chris got up and pushed me it hurt a little I tried to hold back my tears I could see the anger in his face when he stood in front of me it must have been the first time in over 35 years that I was scared of him. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me I don’t know why I was as scared as I was though I knew he loved me too much to harm me physically maybe verbally but not physically he wasn’t that type of person he wouldn’t hurt a fly. However angry he was with me I could see in his face the guilt and anger with himself after he pushed me I could see he didn’t mean to push me as hard as he did. I was still holding back my tears as he began shouting, the shouting got louder and louder I’ve never heard him shout this much and as loud before he must have been angry with me. I tried blocking the shouting out by cover my ears with my hands he grabbed my hands wrists though and pulled them away he wanted me to hear every word he was saying and kept repeating that. His grip got tighter and tighter why was he doing this I hadn’t hurt him that much had I? My wrists were bruising and I couldn’t hold my tears back any more the shouting and Chris holding onto my wrists.
“Chris you’re scaring me” I said but not loud enough for him to hear the words just wouldn’t come out loud enough so I tried again.
“Chris… stop… please you’re hurting me please...” I begged through tears he finally let go realising what he actually was doing I don’t think he knew what he was doing until I said I could then see the guilt and anger with himself again for hurting me.
“I’m sorry… just listen to what I have to say though…”
“No you listen to me, I know I’ve acted so stupid it didn’t mean anything and I can reassure you that it won’t ever happen again I never intended for this to happen I was drunk and lonely I’d been lonely all week its Christmas for god sakes meant for spending time with your family but instead I was sat at home with a bottle of wine and the TV on my own”
“Karen, Karen, Karen… I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work if every time I’m away spending time with my sons and you’re getting drunk bringing other men back here… we’ve been engaged 5 minutes, 5 minutes how is it going to work when we actually get married if you’re just going to be unfaithful to me every time I go away I’m sorry I can’t marry you Karen Barber” he took his engagement ring off and threw it at me.
“I don’t want it… you can keep yours or do whatever with it but I don’t want it either”
“Chris… noooo…” I stood up practically throwing myself on him I jumped up wrapping my arms and legs around him I couldn’t lose him I loved him and only him surprisingly he held onto me as I rested my head on his shoulder but then after a few minutes he put me down on my feet again.
“Please Chris… give me one more chance I love you” I asked quietly.
“I’m sorry… you can stay here tonight I will sleep on the sofa but I want you out by tomorrow” he walked off and left me sobbing my heart out again luckily Jayne and her family were coming back tomorrow so hopefully she will let me stay at hers in the spare room until I find somewhere else of my own.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. It's fiction only and no offence or harm is intended.
Rating: 13
The rest of the evening was a very long awkward silence neither of us knew what to say to each other and I was afraid that if I said something it would make things even worse than they are now between us. After dinner which Chris had cooked I offered to wash up and let him have some time to himself to relax and watch TV and while he watched TV I took a glass of wine, lit some scented candles and had a relaxing hot bath. After the stressful day we’d had it done us both some good I was only in the bath an hour once the water started getting cold I decided it was time to get out and put my favourite fluffy jamas on, they were warm and snugly where I’d put them over the radiator before I’d got into the bath.
I took the now empty wineglass out into the kitchen washed it out put it away flicked the switch on the kettle making myself and Chris both a cup of coffee before joining him on the sofa to watch TV. Even though things were awkward between us I still loved him and was going to do everything I could to get him back so I wasn’t going to ignore him. He looked up and smiled half heartedly at me when I placed his coffee on the table beside him before making myself comfortable rearranging the large cushions at the opposite end of the sofa. He had some race thing on the TV which I didn’t have a clue about or was remotely interested in but I kept my mouth shut so I didn’t cause any more damage than there already was. Staring into space I sat thinking about things, lots of things, mainly how I was going to mend my relationship with Chris hoping he wouldn’t go off with anyone else in the mean time there must be something I can do, anything I will do anything to make him happy again and I mean anything he means the World to me and he deserves someone better than myself.
It made me jump a little when I felt a large-ish, warm hand tugging gently at my arm I looked round to see that Chris had moved over and was patting the space he’d made in front of him for me to lay down. He must have seen the small tears falling down my cheeks as I sat there with him in silence and it made him feel sorry for me or he was changing his mind about chucking me out. I moved so I was lying down in front of him and he slipped an arm around my waist squeezing it gently as we lay there. The feel of his touch made me go all emotional and burst into silent tears I don’t know whether he saw this or not but there was no movement from him until a few minutes later when I felt his fingertips softly stroking the sensitive skin on my stomach.
“I love you but only as a friend I’m sorry please don’t think because I’m giving you a cuddle this is going anywhere… we’re just friends now like we were in the beginning” he whispered into my ear I closed my eyes and to stop my tears not sure if it worked or not as the next thing I know I’m being carried in Chris’s arms to what used to be “our” bedroom. He held me tight in his arms whilst he pulled the covers back and placed me carefully down in the middle of the bed placing a kiss on my forehead before dimming the light and closing the door half way.
“Night, night sweetheart… I’m sorry” I’m not sure if he thought I was asleep or awake when he whispered these words as I didn’t open my eyes once however I was half awake and just about made out what he had said I began crying again eventually crying myself to sleep why couldn’t he have forgot about everything that had happened and got in and continued to cuddle me I felt so safe in his muscular arms and always had done. The door opened slowly again and I thought he was coming back he was but only to get some blankets to make his bed up on the sofa once he’d got them he went out closing the door half way again.
Sorry not very big update tonight x
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. It's fiction only and no offence or harm is intended.
Rating: 13
“Morning” There was no answer from Chris who was sat watching the morning news he’d been up since I heard him wondering around in the kitchen. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 07:30am but lay in bed under the warm covers until 8am thinking about things again also having a little cry to myself as it was my way of coping with things.
“Morning” I repeated myself again maybe he didn’t hear me the first time or was in a daze but there was still no reply.
“Fine, be like that then” I said walking past him gently smacking him across the back of the head. I hated it when he ignored me especially for no reason well I think I can guess what his reasons were but why had his mood suddenly changed again from coming round and being all cuddly last night to totally ignoring me now and the tone of my voice had also suddenly changed to an angry and sarcastic tone.
“Ouch… what the hell was that for?” he snapped back at me with his eyes still fixed to the 52 inch television screen on the wall in front of him as I walked through into the kitchen to get some breakfast.
“You’re not ignoring me then?”
“I’m not ignoring you” he got up and followed me into the kitchen as I put the kettle on and searched through the empty cupboards for some breakfast not having much luck.
“You quite simply are”
“Karen if I was ignoring you, would I be standing here having this argument with you? No”
“Stop trying to be clever” I snapped back shouting quite loudly I was getting very frustrated and annoyed with him and that I couldn’t find anything to eat where had all the breakfast cereal gone I only went shopping a few days ago.
“I’m not I’m just stating a true fact that if I was ignoring…” his words were cut off as I interrupted shouting at him again I hated myself for shouting at him and it made me even angrier this time with myself.
“Ok, you ‘were’ ignoring me I correct that you knew what I meant but were trying to be awkward like always”
“What’s made you all moody this morning?” he stood there just watching me search for something to eat not even bothering to help and standing in the way.
“What’s… What’s made me moody this morning? Christopher what do you think one minute we’re sort of fine again not 100% fine like I’d like it to be us being back together but just being friends again then the next minute I’m trying to make friendly conversation and you were totally ignoring me on purpose I know you were… for **** sakes just move out the bloody way if you’re not going to help and just stand there bloody typical of you to eat everything in five minutes of me going shopping” I pushed past him to get to the last cupboard again there was nothing not suitable to eat for breakfast anyway.
“Excuse me but you have been the only one here for the last 2 weeks, or is there something you’re not telling me I mean after the scene I walked in on yesterday morning how do I know he wasn’t round here as soon as I left… huh?” He stood blocking my way.
“Chris I would never do that to you how many times do I have to explain that it was a silly, one-off drunken mistake?”
“I trusted you I really trusted you… I went away for two weeks thinking I could trust you to, to behave if you would like to put it not to go off with anyone else but how wrong was I when I come back to you sharing our bed with a bloke I don’t even know”
“You make it sound like you’re talking to a child not your fiancée” I just came out with it forgetting he had gave the ring back to me calling the engagement off I’d still got mine on though” looking down at it as the tiny crystal rock glittered on my finger and stroked my finger gently across it, I caught at the corner of my eye Chris’s eyes looking down at it.
“You’re not though anymore you’re nothing to me now just get out” we’d gone into a full blown argument and I’d still not got anything to eat and it didn’t look like I was going to anyway as there was nothing. I began crying as I stood in front of him wiping the tears away forcefully with the back of my hand before pushing down his arm that he had blocking the doorway and storming off into the bedroom slamming the door hard and loud I knew it annoyed Chris that’s why I done it.
“I’m giving you an hour to get ready do whatever you need to do and get out of here” he called and had given in banging on the door trying to undo it as I’d locked it from my side. I dived onto the bed pulling a pillow over my head so he couldn’t hear me crying loudly. Where was I going to go? The question kept going round in my head. I rolled over and unplugged my Blackberry which had been charging all night went into my contacts and pressed on dial when I got to Jayne’s number. At first she didn’t answer so I kept ringing and ringing until she finally picked up. As soon as she answered I couldn’t help but burst into tears.
“Karen, what’s up why have you left 29 missed calls?” Jayne knew that if I left more than 5 missed calls on her phone it was serious.
“I’ve… I… Chris…” I didn’t know what to say I couldn’t bring myself to say it I felt so ashamed of myself and the crying didn’t help as my speech didn’t come out clear.
“Just tell me Karen, why are you crying darling?” I took a long deep breath and came out with it.
“Chris has chucked me out well is chucking me out I have until half 11 to be out and I have nowhere to go please can I stay at yours for a few days just until I find somewhere please I have no one or…” I spoke so quickly and without taking a breath I’m surprised Jayne could even understand me.
“Calm down sweetheart and yes of course you can you know you’re always welcome here and for however long you need” Jayne had always been like an older sister me she was always there for me whenever I needed her and I could go to her anytime day or night she was always good at sorting things out and listening.
“Thank you… I will tell you everything when I get to you” I said between tears.
“Ok sweetheart, do you want me to come and pick you up I don’t mind honestly?”
“If you’re sure”
“I am I will be round in half an hour is that ok?”
“Yes… bye love you”
“Love you too”
I packed the main stuff I needed and stuff that was most important to me and sat got threw on the first thing I could find and lay waiting on the bed quietly crying still listening for the knock on the door from Jayne.
Sorry it's not a very interesting update but it will get more intersting x
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic. It's fiction only and no offence or harm is intended.
Rating: 13
About 20 minutes later I could hear a knock on the door to our apartment it wasn’t very loud but loud enough so I could hear it through the bedroom door which had remained closed. I was still crying to myself I just couldn’t seem to stop the tears from pouring out I feel such a wreck I don’t think I can recall a moment where I’ve cried this much in my life before Chris really did mean everything to me I wish he knew that and that I was truly sorry.
As I lay I could hear Jayne and Chris speak I was about to get up then I heard Chris ask Jayne if she would like a cup of coffee, she replied with “Please, I’ll have a quick one” then the talking began to fade same as their footsteps as they went in the direction of the kitchen. I waited what seemed like ages for them to have the coffee they said would only be 5 minutes, I was so tempted to go out there and interrupt their conversation I wanted to know what they were talking about but I was too ashamed with myself to face Chris.
I was getting angry and frustrated inside I could feel the anger building up I bet he was giving Jayne some sob story putting the planning fully on me, yes I’m not going to lie he caught me red handed in our bed with someone he doesn’t have the foggiest who it was but I wasn’t all to blame he was the one who went to America and left my spending Christmas on my own. I know that sounds selfish and still not acceptable to do but I’m not all to blame – no one is perfect in life though everyone has that fault. They must have been chatting a lot longer than I was expecting them too as the next thing I know I’d cried myself to sleep and was woken again by Jayne tugging gently at my arm to say she was finally ready to go, she smiled at me as I began to wake up properly I only half heartedly smiled back I wasn’t really up to all the smiling stuff.
***
“Karen sweetheart, are you ok? Come in” Jayne called she must have seen me slowly walking up and down the long hallway that went past hers and Phil’s bedroom. I must have walked the stretch for over half hour now I wanted to go in and have a comforting cuddle with my best friend who was more like an older sister to me, I wasn’t sure if Phil was in there though so I had been deciding whether to go in or not.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I am sure why wouldn’t I be?”
“I, it’s just I wasn’t sure if you and Phil were having some time alone together?” I said a little shyly as I stood in the door way opening the door a little further than it already was.
“No too early for him to come up yet that man can stay awake for ages just watching crap on the telly pretending to be interested in it when he’s not… come in properly then how can we have a conversation if you’re all the way across the other side of the room?” I walked half away across the room suddenly coming to a stop feeling the warm tears drop down my cheeks again.
“Can I have a cuddle… please?” I said through my tears.
“Of course you can, come here are you ready to talk to me yet?” I hadn’t really said anything about the situation in fact I hadn’t spoke that much at all, all evening since I’d got to Jayne’s even in the car I had been unusually quiet I had heard Jayne say a couple of times to Phil. Jayne pulled the purple duvet back and patted the empty space next to her as Phil had not yet come up. I climbed in beside her and snuggled up closely to her resting my head on a pillow she had balancing on her stomach, I could feel myself relax when she placed a warm hand on my shoulder and stroked my hair comforting me she was the best-est friend anyone could ask for.
“Think so… promise one thing though?”
“What?”
“That you won’t start shouting and lecturing me like Chris did?”
“You know I wouldn’t do that just please tell me I’m worried about you Karen”
I told her everything that had happened how I was lonely over Christmas, decided to go out for a drink bumped into a friend hadn’t seen in years, invited him back to mine and Chris’s we got stupidly drunk feeling sorry for ourselves and ended up sleeping together and Chris walking in to find us in the morning when he came home. I was sobbing my heart out again by the end and managed to get myself into a right state.
“Oh Karen, you’ve got yourself all worked up and in a right state haven’t you?” I just heard the end of this before I’d fallen asleep still with my head resting on the pillow that was on Jayne’s stomach. I don’t know what time it was when Phil had come up I’m guessing pretty late I stirred as he wrapped a blanket around me and pulled the duvet over me then feel back into a deep sleep as he closed pulled the door up leaving it open just so a little bit of light could come in.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
