Disclaimer: I do not own anyone in this fanfic, have to give credit to TeamKarenBarber because she gave me the starting idea for this, the rest is all from my mind!
Rating: PG/12
Oh god… I can barely watch. Where were his hands now?! I mean, its beautiful and all but seriously… I’m your girlfriend! The lifts they do are spectacular and their skating is just so special, I mean the two of them are legends. I was still blown away by their skating, but someone pointed out to me the other day, they were basically sex on ice. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed before… I just feel like shouting out ‘OI TORVILL! STOP CLIMBING ALL OVER MY OTHER HALF!’ but I don’t, because she’s my best friend, I love them both. But it DOES annoy me somewhat, I wish it had never been pointed out to me. What shall I do? Should I tell Chris how I feel? No, that’s stupid! I can’t do that! It’s not like anything will change anyway, they’re not going to change their routine because of me… are they? It’s stupid. I’ll get over it.
Now he’s looking at me with raised eyebrows… what does that mean??! Oh, he just wants my opinion. Oh it’s the end of the routine! I just smile and nod at Chris, not even daring to look what position Jayne was in. Wow I really need to get over this!! It’s ridiculous isn’t it? He’s not going to sleep with her, kiss her or anything… he’s with me, right? I’m being so silly. That’s what Chris would tell me anyway. But what am I supposed to think?! What if… what if he suddenly fell for her and she divorced Phil and he dumped me and they got together and made love and kissed and… No this is stupid too. He loves me, he tells me every day! Every morning, every evening, every chance we get alone, or on the phone, or whenever. I need to stop it. Oh look, they’re coming over.
“What did you think then?” Jayne asked, skating over to me and coming to a halt with her hands on her hips. Chris is right behind her.
“It was beautiful…” I said, I think it came out almost dazed over, pretty convincing I thought. I couldn’t say, ‘No, I hated it, you need to watch your bloody hands girl,’ could I? Of course not. So instead I smiled after my opinion, trying to make it as genuine as possible.
“Aw thanks Kaz… I think one more time and we’ll have it perfect” Jayne said taking Chris’s hand and the pair of them skated off into the middle of the rink, and got into their starting position. It was exactly the same as how bolero started, on their knees, the whole routine looked incredibly bolero-esque. Jayne rolled over Chris’s shoulder, and they both got up and skated full speed around the rink hand in hand, twisting and turning in unison, jumping and spinning. I watched it all a little bit more this time around, I didn’t have to hide behind my hands as much. It was just that one lift in the middle, roll up, into a ballet lift, back down to the roll up position and finally Jayne handsprings off Chris’s knees. Jayne’s hands were dangerously close to Chris’s… you know. And then a little later into the routine they did their own spin on that awful frog lift… well Chris nearly wasn’t a Chris anymore! Jayne’s blades… it’s just… oh my god. I nearly screamed, I really did.
“Karen are you okay baby… you’ve been a lot quieter today than normal” Chris said once they’d finished again. Jayne was practising some more complicated step sequences for them to add to the routine, but Chris could tell I wasn’t quite with it. He just knew me far too well!
“Yes I’m fine, honestly,” I lied, looking right at him. He bent down to kiss my lips and I still got an excited little shiver every time he did, I’d never been with anyone where that had happened before! We’ve been together for almost 9 months now, well about 6 publicly, we spent who knows how long snooping around trying to hide from everyone. Jayne was the one who eventually found us… it was in my dressing room at the rink when we popped in at the beginning of last summer… I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day, not ever. I was so mixed with emotions, so was Chris. I was pressed up against the wall in the corner, we were sharing tender loving kisses and our arms were wrapped around each other in a tight, warm embrace, things were definitely heated. She’d just barged into the room without knocking, and that was it, we were caught red handed. We just froze, Chris moved slightly away from my body, and we both just stood, stunned and staring at Jayne, not knowing what to do.
“What….on….earth…?” were Jayne’s first words as she herself froze, poised in the doorway.
“Jayne…” Chris began, I was still too stunned to say a thing. I felt hot tears well up in my eyes and one rolled down my cheek as Chris stuttered out words, begging Jayne not to tell a soul. Chris soon noticed that tear rolling down my cheek and gave me a cuddle, it seemed to last forever and it meant the world, it seemed we were going to have a lot more sneaking around to do and be a lot more careful about what we were doing, we weren’t ready for our relationship to be broadcasted to anyone. Once the pure shock of being found out had passed over me I then did feel slightly revealed I have to admit. We wouldn’t have anything to hide from our one true best friend anymore would we? That caused a little less sneaked around I think, it was awful lying to her, for so long we’d hid everything, all our feelings, just acting as normal as possible for months and months when really we had this amazing, hot, steamy, sexy romance…
“Karen!” Chris said, jerking me out of the trance that I’d unexpectedly slipped into, why it had all come back to me at that moment I had no idea.
“Yes? Sorry…Are we going now?”
“Yep, unless you want to stand around here for a little longer?” he replied laughing, then took my hand and we took a lap around the ice rink together closely hand in hand, looking into each other’s eyes for most of it. I turned around to go backwards and Chris still had a firm grip on my hands, leading me around, acting as my eyes as my blades glided smoothly over the ice. I love it when we have the whole of the ice to ourselves, it’s just so… magical. When Jayne’s gone home, along with all the celebrities and pros, it’s so peaceful, and its just so much fun, experimenting with new lifts and moves, choreographing our own romantic routines that no one would ever see outside of our secret practise time.
Don't actually have a clue where I'm going with this so I hope it's not too boring and sorry this a short update... hopefully getting some more ideas soon! X
We didn’t stay for as long as we normally did when we had the opportunity to have our own little ice time, I was shattered for one and Chris was tired too, both our eyes were heavy and we were dragging our feet along the ice.
“Let’s go now baby” I said to Chris after a while, I could tell he was thinking the same thing.
“Good idea, I’m practically sleep skating here”
“Me too”
We sat on the bench at the side of the rink and took off our skates together, changing into our shoes. Chris had his trainers I bought him for Christmas while I slipped on my ruby red 5 inch heels, which Chris had paid for… he just didn’t know that. It serves him right for giving me his credit card doesn’t it! He really should have learnt by now not to give a woman his credit card and expect to get it back with no huge bill…
“Ready?” he asked, standing up, picking up both his and my skate bags. I nodded and picked up my handbag before we walked hand in hand out to the car and Chris drove us home. We got in and just had a lazy couple of hours on the sofa, had some pasta for tea and a bit of tv on at the same time while we sat snuggled up closely. We were so close together I felt so safe in his company, his warm breath in my hair, his fingers gently caressing my thigh and his other arm was wrapped around my shoulders. It got too late for there to be anything decent on tv, I’d already made Chris sit through Big Brother and Geordie Shore, and I’d woken up a lot more since a couple of hours before. I looked upwards into Chris’s eyes and he immediately stared down at me with a loving look about him, before I moved myself upwards to reach his lips, kissing him gently.
“Woken up now have we…?” Chris laughed, kissing me back, a little more passionately than I had started things. We kissed for a few minutes, moving around and playfully running our hands over each other’s bodies. It felt amazing to be in his embrace, it felt wonderful when we were together, I’d never felt the same with anyone else. I loved him. He loved me. We were on exactly the same level and that was part of what made the relationship work so well, there was so much chemistry between us all the time.
“Yep… fancy moving this up to the bedroom?” I asked him in my best seductive voice to turn him on, and flashed him a flirtatious smile at the same time, watching his response. He carried me up to the bedroom, my legs kicking over his arms playfully, he placed kisses all over my face and down my neck before putting me down on the bed, where I collapsed in hysterics of giggles.
Chris lay on top of me in the middle of the bed, both of us were in fits of giggles feeling a little tipsy as we kissed and cuddled in each other’s arms before heating things up a little more, Chris’s hands tugged at my top as he struggled to get the chiffon material off my body, eventually throwing it across the room before kissing me passionately again. Before we got any further I stopped him, teasing him for a while to drag everything out to see how much time would pass before we couldn’t resist each other any longer. I stripped his clothes off his muscular body and threw them across the room too, I was just about aware of them hitting the wall and falling down next to my top. Next Chris pulled at the clasp on the waistband of my skirt, and pulled the flesh coloured tights off my legs, it wasn’t long until we were just lay in each other’s arms, just in our underwear, still giggling in between soft kisses that travelled all over our bodies. After a bit more teasing I eventually let Chris undo the clasp of my lacy bra which was also flung across the room and things were taken even further, we pulled the silk sheets over our bodies.
***
“Honey come on we’re going to be late!” Chris called from down the stairs, I could hear his voice clearly, he’d been shouting at me for the last twenty minutes but I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed, I was totally drained. Neither of us got much sleep and it was no surprise really. I couldn’t stop thinking about the night before, fantasies of me and Chris lying in each other’s arms flooded my mind and refused to leave. It was 8am and Chris’s alarm had gone off two hours ago, which I heard. I was aware he’d left the bed and I knew he was getting ready himself, I knew I should have been doing the same but I just couldn’t. I actually physically could not remove my body from that memory foam mattress beneath me. After another ten minutes of Chris’s frantic shouting I decided to eventually move, I dragged myself to the shower and climbed in under the hot running water, and felt like I never wanted to move from that spot, it was so relaxing, so far away from the busy day that was ahead of us. Chris must have heard me get in, I noticed his shouting had stopped as I lathered up the shampoo in my shoulder length hair, giving myself a bit of a head massage in the process. When I noticed my fingers were all shrivelled up I decided it was eventually time to get out and get ready, which cued Chris’s shouting again. Before leaving the bathroom I left a little message on the mirror, just a little heart like I did every morning. then I wrapped the towel tightly around my body and one around my head and brushed my teeth, cleansed my face and applied my make up in the bedroom mirror. After make up came the hardest decision of all: deciding what to wear. Eventually I chose a red vest top which just skimmed over my curves and a black cardigan and a pair of black leggings which I’m pretty sure are very see through but I don’t really care…
“Finally! How long have I been shouting you?!” Chris said as I walked down the stairs tying my straightened hair into a high ponytail and flattening out my fringe which was sticking out a bit.
“Well you didn’t do a very good job getting me out of bed did you!” I protested back, then walked over to him and sank down into the settee, sharing a passionate kiss with him and then we stared into each other’s eyes lovingly before Chris decided we really did have to leave.
“Karen! It’s bloody half past nine! Jayne is actually going to kill us!” Chris said, I could tell he was trying to seriously tell me off but it wasn’t working because I was standing in front of him smiling stupidly, causing him to burst into giggles and just scoop me in for another big hug and a sneaky kiss as we walked out the front door, arms around each other and into Chris’s car.
“What time do you ****ing call this??” Jayne’s voice couldn’t be mistaken as we walked into the rink still giggling and chatting away as if nothing had happened, not as if we were two hours late at all. We turned and looked at each other as soon as we heard our friend’s angry voice, but it just turned into more giggles, just like a lot of things did involving me and Chris, or me and Jayne actually, thinking about it. Just not when Jayne was angry, because when she was angry she was really angry, and often just blanks out whoever she’s angry at, which a lot of mornings was me and Chris. The only day we were free to be as late as we wanted was a Wednesday, when Jayne had her day off, but when we had the chance to be late, without being yelled at, we always seemed to be on time, if not early.
Chris sat down on the first bench as we walked up the side of the rink and slid himself along, and pulled my hand down with him, and I landed with a thump next to him, ending in more giggles, and some serious stern looks from Jayne who was standing in the middle of the rink watching some of the celebrities practise their basic skills.
“Ooh come on we’d better hurry up I think Jayne is giving me her death look” Chris said under his breath, and then kissed me again on the lips, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist.
“Karen! Chris!” I was roughly aware of Jayne’s voice coming in our direction but neither of us took any notice, our bodies were pressed tightly together and the heat from Chris’s wrapped up body was keeping me warm in the icy temperatures which I really hadn’t dressed for. “Will you two get on this ice now!” Jayne was shouting again, we paused for a moment but then carried on kissing. However the next thing we knew she was over in the corner where we were standing, physically breaking us apart. “I will bloody put you on separate sides of the rink if I have to” she threatened. I could see she really wasn’t happy with us whatsoever, I could also see that Chris was trying his hardest not to laugh, I was just trying not to look at him directly, I didn’t want to be split up from him for the whole day, we’d been there before. It was awful, it was horrible, almost nine hours apart and for the most of it I had to watch Jayne and Chris skate together and do lifts that I wished so much I was doing with Chris, not Jayne.
After the threat we obeyed Jayne’s instructions and quickly warmed up doing a couple of laps together, before we skated back to Jayne in the middle of the rink.
“Karen will you go and work over there with Chico and Jodeyne please” Jayne instructed me pointing over to one corner.
“of course” I agreed instantly, smiling at the couple that had probably been waiting for god knows how long for us to show up. I didn’t know what Chris was in charge of, whether he was working with another couple or with Jayne but I think it was better I didn’t know to be honest. I skated over with Chico and Jodeyne closely at my sides and the three of us had a good old chat at the same time as we worked on Chico’s skating skills, spins, jumps and crossovers. I tried not to think about Chris so much but it was impossible, just knowing he was a few meters away.
"karen are you okay... You've been edgy all day" chris said in a soothing voice as we broke for lunch. He wrapped his arm around my waist and i almost wanted to refuse his touch, and chris could sense something wasn't right.
"I'm fine what do you mean" i said trying to lie and cover up my real feelings, i wasn't sure how long it would be until I was caught out or whether chris could already see straight through me. I know how well he knows me sometimes it's quite creepy how close we are, closer than him and Jayne.
"Karen... Please talk to me; I know something isn't right I can tell you're upset about something" well that didn't last long, I thought I might manage at least another couple of hours before he realised I wasnt my normal self.
"can we wait until we get home I'll tell you then..." I tried; hoping he'd forget by then and then the next time I felt like this I'd just have to be a lot more careful about how I acted... There.
"no come on tell me now I don't like seeing you like this... Please? We can go into my dressing room if you like?" damn it, looked like I wasn't getting out of it any time soon. I did like going in chris's dressing room though, we didn't often go in there - we spent most of our spare time in mine. Purely because mine is closer, but almost hidden. Most people think the first door on the right is just a stock cupboard but if you go through that door and turn right there's another door which is mine. I like it because it's spacious but it's cosy at the same time, my girls came and decorated it for me way back so I've got a pinboard of family pictures, skating pictures and all sorts of things they've bought me over the years, candles, fairy lights... You name it I've probably got it. But chris's dressing room had its own sort of touch to it, it was a bit of a strange smell that hits you as you walk through that door but I like it. It's got a modern feel to it, it seems so much bigger than mine because it hasn't got all sorts of junk scattered around... But he has plenty of pictures plastered over the Walls.
"ok I suppose... But only if you can convince Jayne to give us an hour in there" I said flirtatiously flashing him a smile.
"ooh of course...." he said, he left me standing there while he skated over to Jayne who had for some reason got back on the ice. After a few convincing words from chris Jayne eventually sighed and gave in leaving chris to come back to me with a cheeky grin wiped across his face. I'm sure he just told her I wasn't feeling well, which doesn't make a lot if sense really does it, what are we going to get up to in an hour if I'm ill? Well it worked anyway so I can't complain, I gave Jayne a tired smile before me and chris looked at each other immediately bursting into giggles and then we walked hand in hand to his dressing room.
Chriss dressing room was the only on the inside so there were no windows and it was always really dark in there, and he didn't like the boring lights on the ceiling like everyone else had, after a couple of series and we'd been confirmed for a few series he splashed out and got lights that came off the skirting board and a dimming light on the ceiling.
"are you going to tell me what's bothering you then?" chris asked, as I parked myself on the edge of the bed, chris sat down next to me and rn his fingers through my hair, it always made me shiver when he did that, but a good shiver,not a bad one.
"okay erm, I know we've had this exact same discussion a few times before but I can't help what I feel and well, you're the one that keeps asking me so... It's Jayne."
"Karen what are you like? Nothing is happening between me and Jayne, and nothing ever will. We've been skating with each other since we were about 15, do you not think that if anything like that was going to happen, it would of happened by now? Jayne is a happily married woman and she loves phil a lot, she wouldn't do that to him, I wouldn't do that to him, and I certainly wouldn't do that to you, I love you, I love you so much and I'm never going to let you go, not ever! I can promise you that" it felt amazing to here these words coming out of his mouth, even though I already knew every one of them were true and I trusted them both, that wasn't what I was worried about Jayne for.
"aw.. Thank you chris, I know you wouldn't do that to me, I trust you and I love you more than anyone could imagine, I always will, and there's a promise from me.. " I smiled affectionately directly at him, "but thats not why I'm worried about Jayne!" this sent a confused expression to settle on chris's face, I dont think he had a clue in the world what I was talking about, and to be honest I couldn't believe what I was about to say to him.
"what? What do you mean? I mean, I'm glad that you trust me not to go off with your best friend and everything, but i always assumed that's why you worried about her, what is it? Tell me Karen, you're almost scaring me here"
"chris, Jayne is pregnant" just at the first bit of my statement chris didn't really know what to say and I could tell, he wasn't sure why I was worried about something that to anyone else would be a total joy and cause for celebration.
"it's not phil's" I quickly added before he could interrupt and tell me I was being stupid or something.
"wait, what? I thought Jayne couldn't get pregnant? And it's not phil's? How d you know all this Karen?"
"that's what she thought as well, she's been prooven wrong! She wants an abortion, it happened when I took her out to that bar in Newcastle a few months ago and we went back to that hotel, we were both so out of it it was unreal, and most people dont see Jayne drunk or even tipsy"
"oh my god... I dont know what to say.."
"that's why she rang me last night, I didn't know if you were actually asleep or what, we were both laying in bed but you were facing the other way so I quickly sneaked out to take the phone call when she text and said it was an emergency... She made me promise not to tell anyone but I couldn't physically keep it from you any longer, its been difficult enough for this long and it's not even been 24 hours yet!"
"I take it she hasnt told phil then? What's she going to do?"
"she wants to get rid of it before he can find out but she thinks there's a possibility it might be too late... It was ages ago we went to that place and neither of us can actually remember the dates, not useful... She didn't think she could get pregnant but shes had tests for other things since she noticed pregnancy symptoms she's been having cravings and all sorts she's even noticed her stomach form a slight bump"
"surely if she was that far she'd be huge by now?"
"not everyone gets a bump though chris, some women don't even realise they're pregnant until the baby comes that's why she's worried"
“nope, I don’t think so anyway, she told me I was the only one that knew, so its just me and you, but listen to me now, you can’t tell anyone else about this, especially not Jayne, don’t act any differently around her under any condition alright?? She can’t know I told you, she’ll kill me!”
“don’t worry I won’t…” knowing that someone else knew almost felt like the pressure was off me a little, I’d only been keeping the secret a week, a little under, any conversations before that I’d been totally clueless, I don’t know when Jayne discovered her state, something tells me she’s known for quite a while before she told me and just didn’t want to face it. The way Chris looked at me when he told me everything was going to be fine, it really did convince me everything would be, whatever happened with Jayne.
And although I’d told him earlier that I trusted him not to get up to anything with Jayne, there was still that little tiny bit of doubt in the back of my mind every time I watched them skate, or saw them talking almost secretively over in the corner of the rink. I’d just have to cope with my feelings and contain them long enough for them to disappear, I don’t know why I didn’t trust them it was stupid to think that they’d do anything like that. I dreamt a few times that they’d gone off together behind my back and I still thought it was stupid when I woke up, and then I’d go into work and realise that it could quite possibly happen, and that it’s not that stupid a concept at all. I haven’t been able to look at the two of them together in the same way I did a couple of months ago in weeks.
“Karen are you okay?” I heard Chris’s voice next to me, I realise my head had drooped a little and Chris was just sitting there looking at me with a crooked expression, as if he was trying to read me. I’d always been difficult to read whoever it was trying to get inside me, my parents when I was younger, my daughters, Stephen, and Jayne and Chris.
“yes I’m fine, sorry I’m just worried about Jayne I suppose” I partially lied to him, which I hated. I did worry about Jayne, of course I did, I didn’t know what was going to happen with her and her situation, and I did think about her, but it was just at that moment that I wasn’t thinking about her. Well I was, just not about that.
“do you want to get back on the ice then?” he asked, squeezing my hand and then kissing my lips gently. “she’s going to be fine”
“yes come on let’s go” I said getting myself up, going up on my toes to kiss his lips back, and we got our skates back on, and made it back to the rink where Jayne hadn’t appeared to move from.
“hello you two… I thought I was going to have to come and fetch you and drag you out here” she joked as we joined her in the middle of the rink and she stopped going through some steps for the next routine.
“well there you go” Chris said giving me a cheeky grin.
We got to work and had a productive afternoon, skating all three of us together, we even thought of asking the producers what they thought of the three of us doing a routine together on one of the live shows, it would be like a bit of a love triangle behind it, me and Jayne ‘fighting’ over the ‘handsome prince’ that was Chris, if you like. From what it sounded like Chris had been thinking it through for rather a while before he sprung the idea on us. I liked the idea, I thought it’d be a lot of fun, me and Jayne taking it in turns to skate with Chris in effect, with acting and dancing and all sorts all packed into it.
Sorry it's a bit of a short update, if anyone has any ideas for this fic can you message them to me, as I'm rapidly running out!
A couple of days past and the new routine idea was cleared by the producers and rehearsals for it were immediately well underway, neither me or Jayne had a clue what was running through that brain of Chris's but clearly he knew what he was talking about it and had it all planned out in his head so we just let him get on with it. As soon as we begun I began to love it, there was no jealousy or tension between me or Jayne because we were both skating with Chris and that made me feel so much more confident around the both of them. I didn't breathe another word about her secret to Chris and she never told me any more herself, she'd come to us in her own time, she trusted us but she wasn't ready and she didn't know how to face her problem herself let alone tell anyone else about it.
"No you're not doing it right Jayne, look where your legs are" Chris was getting frustrated extremely easily today, who knew why? Every little move he expected to be precisely exact and spot on first time and it just wasn't happening, and I could tell something else was bothering Jayne as well but I didn't know what, and I didn't feel it was appropriate to ask, not then anyway, I'd wait till later.
"I'm sorry I'm not bloody wonder woman, but you need to explain to me what you want me to do a lot clearer than you are at the moment, what you're saying isn't even making sense half the time, it's stupid, this is stupid" I just stood there awkwardly, watching Jayne scramble around trying to get her body in the position Chris wanted it, and him having a go at her, these silly little arguments had always amused me.
"Look, take it a step at a time then, wrap your legs around my waist and hold on tight, then twist your upper body slightly and get your arms in the right place" Chris directed her, trying to show her what he meant with his own body.
"Like this?" Jayne asked awkwardly hanging practically upside down, but a smile wiped across Chris's face so I guess she'd finally got it right, it did look pretty impressive, and now I didn't feel so much envy for her in that position with my boyfriend, because I knew it'd my go next, and to be quite honest, it excited me.
"How does it look Kaz?" Chris turned to look at me, using his muscles to keep Jayne where she was and trying to put on his show face at the same time.
"Looks pretty good to me!" I said grinning, then I had to laugh at the expression that had come over Jayne's face, I really don't think she appreciated how long Chris was keeping her there.
"Is it Karen's go yet?" Jayne grunted as she got herself out of the lift quite clumsily and landed heavily on her blades.
"If you've had enough then I suppose I could have a little go with Karen couldn't I" Chris agreed.
"Yes I have bloody have enough, I've had enough of you ordering me what to do with all your stupid instructions that are just impossible half the time"
"Calm down Jayne this isn't like you," he said in a soothing voice, trying not to let on that he knew what was wrong. Jayne skated over to where I was standing a few meters away and gave me a bit of a dirty look representing her current views on Chris, but I knew it was just her hormones going crazy.
"Why don't you take a break for a bit honey? Go and get a coffee or something, you look shattered" I suggested with what I hoped came across as a warm friendly smile, I gave her a comforting pat on the back as she moved passed me and left the ice.
"Just ignore her for a bit she'll come around," I told Chris, we both had years of experience of friendship with Jayne but I for one definitely knew how to handle her bad moods which weren't unfamiliar.
"I've been working with her for long enough too I know how to control her,"
"That's the thing though, you don't because that's why she's stormed off in the first place, well part of it anyway, because you're too controling over her sometimes," I explained.
"Okay miss know it all, what are we going to do then?"
"Well you seem to have everything planned out in that old brain of yours, you tell me what we're going to do, something sexy is it?"
"Well we'll see about that?" Chris then proceeded to pick me up, spin me around and I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, he had an expression of hard concentration on his face and I found it oddly sexy as he looked down at me, and he almost threw me around, I never felt unsafe when I was skating with Chris, never, it was like there was a giant bubble around us which prevented us from the outside world and no one would know what we were thinking.
We skated for what didn't seem like very long at all, but Chris soon pointed out it had been nearly half an hour and Jayne still hadn't returned, when all she'd done was go to get a coffee, it shouldn't have taken her more than a couple of minutes. When Chris pointed it out to me I had a feeling I knew exactly where she was, I made a gesture for Chris to stay where he was and off I ventured around the corner behind the rink, to the 'secret' room me and Jayne found in our early days there. It was where we came when we wanted some time alone or just to sit and cry, and sure enough when I knocked lightly on the door and let myself in, there she was sitting in the corner, curled up in a ball with her head between her knees.
"Jaynie?" I asked in a quiet voice, I wasn't sure if she'd heard me come in or not, if she had she hadn't acknowledged the fact whatsoever, she still didn't flinch.
"Jayne? What's the matter honey?"
She lifted her head a little and wiped the tears that had leaked out the corners of her eyes. I sat down next to her against the wall and put my arm around her neck. "Jayne, talk to me, please" I begged, I just wanted to know what she was really feeling, so I could help.
"I don't know what to do"
"About what?"
"What do you think? I'm ****ing pregnant Karen. What am I supposed to do? I can't tell Chris because he'll make me stop skating, or he'll tell the producers, or something, and I'll loose my job, that's if you haven't already told him already" as she said those last words I think I must have looked like the most guilty person in the country at that moment, it was as if I had a sign above my head which told Jayne that her secret maybe wasn't so safe anymore. And I was apparently the one and only friend she thought she could trust.
"Jayne, it's okay. No one else is going to find out, but you really need to get rid of the baby before it is definately too late, you can't hide it forever" I said, hoping that she wouldn't notice my guilt, or at least ignore it.
"You told him then, you didn't even deny that much. I can't believe you told him! After all that I said to you the other day, on all these occasions, you can't do the one bloody thing I told you not to!" Okay so maybe she had noticed. I felt awful, the way she was yelling at me, the look on her face showed pure anger and she looked distraught.
"Jayne I'm sorry, I had to tell someone I-"
"No you ****ing didn't! You promised me you wouldn't, you promised. Do you not understand what that means? You're supposed to be my best friend, and I can't even trust you with one secret, it's stupid, I don't know why I trusted you in the first place! I'm never going to again, that's for sure!!" I could tell the anger in her voice was growing by the moment, her fierce side was coming out all just for me, she stood up, throwing angry hand gestures at me while I sat on the floor and just took it all. Maybe that was the best way, to just let her get on with it and release all her emotions? I knew she would eventually forgive me, we always did for each other, didn't we?
"My husband has left me, he's taken the kids with him and I have no idea where, it's the most awful feeling ever! I don't even know how he found that one out, I certainly didn't tell him, or maybe you did that for me too???"
"Jayne I wouldn't do that; the only reason I told Chris is because I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to help you or really even what to say to you, and that's all I want to do - help" I said desperately trying to save myself in hope that she would forgive me.
"Shut up, I don't want to hear it, you told him and that's that! I'll never trust you again!"
"Jayne I had no idea he'd taken the kids, why didn't you tell me? Did you honestly think I'd do that? I know I can be a bit of a bitch sometimes but really, you've been my best friend for over 40 years! Please believe me" I begged with her. I was in tears myself now, it looked like a scene from a tv soap, the both of us stood opposite each other in a right state, tear stained cheeks and blotchy eyes, it was awful. I was just digging myself in a deeper hole with every scentence I added to try and earn my forgiveness which seemed to be getting further and further away.
