Omg this is so sad I'm nearly crying reading this... Now that's over is it gonna get better? Don't like all this sad and depressing stuff...but at least Karen is talking to Jayne now right? When are you doing more!?xoxo
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: 16+
*** For the next few day Karen had tried to put the past behind her but no matter what she did helped and she’d even tried to look at her beautiful daughter but she just couldn’t and it hurt her even more each day inside that she couldn’t even do that. She remembered the words Jayne had told her about putting the past behind her however cruel it may sound and these words kept spinning around in her head and driving her crazy and insane she wanted to put the past behind her and just forget everything had happened and watch her daughter grow up and be a proper little family the one she’d always wanted since she was a little girl but knew this couldn’t happen now.
Chris had just come back from a very long day at the studios with Kayla who had been crying most of the day – between him and Jayne they took turns during the day comfort and look after her as Karen wasn’t in no right frame of mind suffering with the postnatal depression at the moment to look after herself let alone a baby only a few weeks old as well. He picked the post up that was still lying in the doorway form this morning gathering that Karen hadn’t moved from the bedroom all day, he put Kayla who was finally asleep in the mosses basket wrapping a little blanket over the top of her kissing her forehead gently not to wake her before going into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Karen had heard them come in but didn’t move at first she’s been laying on the bed in the same position all day just crying to herself and scaring herself again with a the end of a pen that she’s broken – which was now snapped in half which she had found in the draw next to her bedside. She got up feeling a little dizziness as she did from the lack of food and drink all she’d had was a few sips of water and a slice of toast that Chris had made for before he left earlier that day, there was a black cardigan hanging over the wardrobe that she shared with Chris the cardigan was now on her covering up the scars and cuts on her arms so Chris wouldn’t see them she knew she’d be in trouble if he did.
A pair of thin bony arms wrapped around Chris from behind and he could feel heavy tear drops as they feel onto and through his t-shirt. He turned around and saw Karen crying helplessly on him as she clung tightly as she could around him; he placed his arms around her planting a soft kiss on the top of her head stroking one hand up and down her back gently.
“What’s up baby?” came a loving concern.
At first there was no reply she opened her mouth to speak but nothing wanted to come out however hard she tried.
“It’s…I… got a call from the hospital earlier just after you left… my mum… she’s … she’s … she died from cancer”
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry and of all the week’s it could have happened… you never told me she had cancer?”
“I didn’t know until today apparently she’s only knew about it just before Christmas and never told anyone”
“Surely they have treatment for these things now though”
“When they found out she’d got it, it was too late it had already spread quite badly there was no way they could have treated it”
“I’m sorry” he held her tightly in his arms swaying them both slightly side to side trying to comfort his precious.
“I have to go to the hospital in a few week’s time to have some tests done in case it’s running in the family… Chris what if I’ve got it?”
“You won’t baby I promise”
“You said you promised everything would be fine before and look at what happened” the fear began to build up inside Karen again thinking what if she had got it.
“I mean it this time I know you haven’t got it” and this time Chris was right as her tests came back all clear a week after she’d had them done.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Whoops I just remember that I was meant to put in the disclaimer that there is no offence or anything meant by this I would never want parts of this to happen in real life its just fiction!
And sorry there are still a few more bits to come yet before it she gets better but it does end all good thats all I'm saying!!!
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
Rating: 18
As the days and weeks went by Karen seemed to be getting worse and Chris had noticed it he hated having to go out and leaving her but there was work to be done and the Dancing On Ice live tour had started – of course this year would be different as Karen wouldn’t be judging. They were now in the second week and so far it was going very well and everyone was really enjoying themselves however it was just one big stress for Chris worrying about Karen. Usually he didn’t want the tour to end but this year was a whole different story and he had his work cut out big time. He’d been having a lot of trouble with Karen who was refusing to take her tablets for the depression and was having to bring up a small child on his own, it wasn’t really the way he had things planned out a few months back when he asked Karen to marry him but he still loved her just as much as he did before nothing had changed in that way.
It was the break between the afternoon and evening show Chris was sat in his dressing room just getting back from popping home check Karen was alright however this had turned into an argument and Chris saying some things he honestly didn’t mean. It was only because he was that concerned, worried, petrified and loved her so much and cared about her so much – what if she was to do something stupid? Was the one thing that had been running around circling his mind for the past months. He curled up on the bed a cried holding a photo of him and Karen on their wedding day it was one of his most favourite photos of him and Karen, this was something that he very rarely done he usually could keep his emotions inside of him but this was different he couldn’t live without Karen and was so worried she was going to do something stupid. There was a light knock at the door of his dressing room it was Jayne with little Kayla who had offered to babysit while Chris went home. Jayne had been standing by the door for a few minutes without Chris knowing just listening to his cries of pain and hurt inside for Karen. He didn’t hear the door open as Jayne walked in with Kayla lying her down in her cot and then sitting on the bed next to Chris who had now sat up feeling her presence, wiping his eyes quickly hoping she wouldn’t notice he’d been crying but she knew him too well after all those years knowing there was something up and not right.
“Is everything alright?”
“No… I can’t stop worrying about what she’s going to do”
“Karen?” Jayne asked guessing that was who he was on about.
“Yes our marriage is actually falling apart with this whole depression thing that’s what she thinks and I’m beginning to think it too now however much I don’t want too I love her so, so, so much Jayne and I don’t think she knows that right now I never want to lose her ever even with what’s happening now I still love her… she’s been refusing to take her tablets for the last couple of weeks and she’s just getting worse we landed up having an argument when I got back I said some things that I didn’t mean and now I don’t have a clue what is going on in her head… I’m worried sick Jayne I really am” he cried loudly into Jayne who was giving him a friendly hug trying to reassure him everything would sort it’s self out and be ok again soon.
“I shouldn’t have left her she was in such a state I’m so scared of what she might do”
“She will be fine she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to doing something stupid” Jayne tried reassuring him then thinking back to the few weeks before that where Jayne had caught Karen self harming herself and she hadn’t seen her since then.
“Would you like me to go see her you can stay here and try to get some rest before the show later?”
“Would you… thanks what would I do without you, you always know what to do no matter the situation”
“It’s no problem that’s what friends are for”
Jayne had drove to Karen and Chris’ house letting herself in with the spare key and Chris was catching up on some rest that he’d missed over the last couple of days. The house was extremely quiet when she walked in it was as if no one was in all you could hear the dripping of a tap that hadn’t been turned off properly in the kitchen, which Jayne went to turn off straight away. She was actually scared herself what she might find or what state Karen would be in.
“Karen… what are you doing?” Jayne was horrified when she saw Karen sitting so helpless on the bed scaring herself again.
“Stay away please”
“Please I want to help you”
“I don’t need help” Karen had suddenly become very aggressive in her voice.
“You obviously do… I thought you agreed there would be no more self harming” Jayne was confused with herself she wasn’t sure whether to be angry or upset at what she was seeing her best friend doing.
“I didn’t agree actually I just went along with what you were saying now go I just want my life to be over I can’t cope anymore it’s driving me crazy tell Chris I love him”
“Karen don’t be so stupid and ridiculous”
“Go…” she yelled tears pouring down her now bony face.
“I won’t let you do it Karen… both Chris and I will help you to get better it will just take some time I know you’re upset I understand but…”
“You don’t understand so don’t you dare say that I can’t cope anymore”
“You can go to these special places where they help you to get better and cope please don’t do this I beg you”
“It’s not that easy though you mean hospitals for mental people I’m not mental… I’m…”
“You’re what because you’re not the Karen we used to know”
“I’m just scared, lost, lonely and lost everyone in my life… my baby girl and my mother”
“You still have Chris and me and little Kayla your other little baby girl who is going to grow up without a mother if you do this and do you want that?” thinking maybe this would make her change her mind.
“Well if I’m mental like you put it then maybe she will be better off without me”
“I didn’t say you were mental did I, I didn’t even use the word mental so don’t say that”
“I mean it just go now” came a helpless and angry scream.
“No… Karen please put the knife down and pass it here there’s no need to do this”
“There is every need… I’m sorry”
With ease and before Jayne could do anything or stop her Karen had stabbed into herself with the knife she’d got from the kitchen just missing her organs. There was a lot of blood being lost Karen slowly collapsing to the floor Jayne panicking like mad trying to stay as calm as possible knowing if she didn’t the situation would only get worse. She knelt down by Karen’ side leaving Karen in the position she had fallen to the floor in remembering an advert she’d seen on TV. None of it felt real the first thing she done was phone for an ambulance which was on its way and then phoned Chris explaining briefly what had happened and told him to met them at the hospital. While they waited for the ambulance Jayne didn’t leave Karen’ side once it was the worst thing she’d ever witnessed Karen was her best friend and killed her inside to see her like this and to know that was how upset she felt.
“Just stay still the ambulance is on its way and you’re going to fight through this and when you get all stitched up I’m taking you to one of those places and we are going to get you better and back on track I can’t bare it to lose you Karen you’re my best friend… and Chris loves you so, so, so much he told me that and Kayla well she needs her mummy” Karen could feel Jayne’ tear drops as the fell onto her soft delicate skin.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
Rating: 18
Chris drove straight down to the hospital as soon as he’d found out from Jayne which one they were taking Karen too. He had gone through three red lights and was driving well over the speed limits but he wasn’t really worried about losing his licence and getting all the fines the only thing that mattered to him was his precious wife Karen. She meant absolutely everything to him always had done and always will no matter what the situation or what happened there was always going to be a place in his heart for Karen. Karen had been strapped up securely to the bed in the back of the ambulance and put on a drip as paramedics were very concerned trying their best to stop the bleeding as best as they could until they’d reached the hospital. Jayne held her best friends hand in hers tightly the whole journey and quietly cried hoping that no one would see her ‘You stupid, stupid woman… how could you do this to yourself’ Jayne thought to herself really wanting to just shout it out to Karen but knew it wasn’t the time or place. When the ambulance arrived at the hospital the doors swung open and Karen was rushed up straight to intensive care unit where there were doctors waiting both on the ward and in theatre waiting ready for her.
“Sorry madam but you can’t go in there with her” a doctor stopped in front of Jayne trying to prise her hand out Karen’.
“But… she’s mentally very ill she needs me” Jayne sobbed loudly just wishing Chris would hurry up and get there.
“I’m sorry it’s the rules no one is allowed into theatre but you can wait out here for her”
“You better make sure she is ok and don’t let anything happen to her”
“I promise we won’t now please take a seat a try to calm down”
She waited outside the theatre waiting and hoping Chris would arrive soon everything was spinning around in her head and there was a feeling inside her killing her that she might just about to be losing her bestest, closest friend who had now become her younger sister over the very long years they’d known each other. She answered her blackberry which was now ringing.
“Hello…”
“Chris, is that you?”
“Yes it is, I’m now at the hospital which is she on?”
“Intensive care it’s the very top floor”
“Ok I’ll be right there” and he hung up the phone running faster than he could skate up all the stairs knowing it would be quicker than waiting and getting stuck in all the lifts. Jayne ran up to Chris giving him the biggest friendly hug ever and he hugged her back.
“Thank God you’re here now… where’s Kayla?”
“Dan is looking after her? Where is she firstly?” Chris asked not really knowing what to question to ask first.
“She’s in there now we can’t go in there though I tried but one of the doctors stopped me” Jayne pointed to the theatre.
“What happened?”
“She said she couldn’t cope with her life anymore and wanted to end it so decided she’d stab herself with a kitchen knife… I should have stopped her and done something I’m so sorry Chris I feel so bad it’s all my fault”
“Shhh… It’s not your fault none of this is your fault” he pulled her into his warm chest again hugging her tightly and kissed the top of her head gently.
“So what do we do now then?” he continued.
“Just sit and wait to until she’s out of there”
This was easier said than done though especially for Jayne who couldn’t sit still for any longer than a minute without getting up pacing up and down the large quiet hallway of the intensive ward. She felt useless and couldn’t forgive herself for what had happened she should have done something to stop Karen she always wanted to be the person who looked out for Karen like an older sister would but that feeling wasn’t there now like it had been.
“Jayne please sit down you’re making me worry more and making me dizzy pacing up and down” he said trying not to get cross with her.
“I’m sorry I can’t help it I will never forgive myself if anything happens to her”
“Come here” he said patting the chair that was next to his “nothing is going to happen to her she will be fine”
“But what if she’s not”
“She will be this is Karen she’s a little fighter”
Jayne took a deep breath in trying to calm herself “Yes she will be because she’s my best friend and the sister I never had, you love her so much and she loves you and Kayla needs her mummy and I’m going to take her to one of these places where they help you overcome depression and get her life back on track… I love her Chris”
“Yes and I love her too”
Over an hour later it had gone very quiet outside the theatre area as Jayne rested her head into Chris’ muscular chest her eyes trying to stay open but very slowly were closing shut as Chris ran his fingers through her hair. Suddenly the theatre doors opened and Karen was pushed down to a room on the intensive care ward she looked so ill with bandages and dressings and drips attached all over her and her pale skin looked so cold. Both Jayne and Chris hurried to stand following as Karen was pushed down the hallway both relieved that she had made it.
“Good news she will be fine will wake up any time from now however it will take her some time to recover properly and she will be very sore and in quite some pain when she wakes up so don’t surround her too much” the doctor said in a very friendly tone.
“Thank you so much she’s had us worried sick sitting out there” Jayne thanked the doctor.
“That’s our job… you say she was ill before what do you mean?” he questioned.
“She’s been suffering quite badly with postnatal depression since the loss of one of our twin daughters at birth and also depression from the loss of her mother” Chris informed them.
“And how long has she been like this… I mean suffering with depression?”
“Well the postnatal depression has been since the beginning of the year and she lost her mother a few weeks ago now” Chris explained in further detail.
“And when she’s recovered from this we want to get her to one of those places that help you overcome depression” Jayne added in.
“That’s good to know you are being so supportive of her at times like these a lot of people with give up on their family and friends because they don’t understand what it’s like”
“I know what it’s like I experienced it myself a few years back… well not quite as bad as Karen and only the postnatal depression but that was bad enough so I really want t help her Karen is my best friend and the sister I never had” both Chris and the doctor smiled at Jayne sweetly.
“Well we can help you and get her transferred to a place from here in a couple of weeks time once she’s recovered from her accident fully I will pop back with some more information for you later on”
“Thank you” they both said in unison.
Once Karen had been sorted the doctors left the three of them to some peace and quiet for an hour or so. Jayne and Chris waited patiently for Karen to wake I didn’t take long she stirred a little at their voices talking quietly and her eyes began to open and she could feel the pain in her right side where she’d stabbed herself. Chris was over by her side straight away kissing her lips gently and stroking her head moving part of her fringe that had fallen into her eyes.
“Just just rest we won’t be leaving your side… I love you baby” Chris said taking her hand and cuddling up next to her carefully on the opposite side of her stitches while Jayne sat in the chair by the bed with hold of Karen’ over hand. Karen just looked at her best friends and smiled for the first time at them both it was only a weak smile but it was still a smile.
Hope it's not getting boring and sorry I haven't updated in a while xxx #Boleroday
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
Rating: PG
“How are you feeling today?” Chris asked loving looking to her beautiful eyes.
“Sore still but the doctor said I can come go home today” a tone of happiness occurred saying the last bit.
“Yes I know and about that… you’re not exactly going home to our proper home yet”
“What do you mean?” she asked confused.
“Well this is only because we both love you and think it’s for the best… you’re being transferred to a special home that’s a bit like a hospital where the people there can help you get better properly”
“What... Why… I am better” she’d suddenly turned emotional hearing this you could hear it in her voice.
“You’re not baby you’re still suffering with the depression not as you were two weeks ago but you still are… It’s only because we love you so, so, so much and we want you to get better quickly the tour hasn’t been the same without you, everyone misses you so much and Kayla needs her mummy… you will only be there for a few weeks and then you will feel better about yourself and we will come and see you everyday how does that sound?”
“O… ok I suppose” a tear began to run down her worried face and Chris wiped it away making her smile a little.
“That’s my girl you have been so brave and I’m sorry I haven’t really understood how much you hurt inside”
They cuddled tightly for a moment or two breaking it off when Jayne entered the room. Karen smiled at Jayne and walked slowly over to her best friend wrapping her arms around her burying her head into Jayne and hugging her tightly.
“Thank you…” she whispered Jayne was quite touched by this and her eyes began to well a little as she looked at Chris who was packing Karen’ stuff away in her bag ready for them to leave when the doctor said she could be transferred.
While they waited for the other place to confirm that there was a room for Karen to be transferred the three of them waited in silence watching the TV that was on the ward. Chris sat behind Karen and gave her a comforting cuddle kissing her lips for a few seconds every now and then Jayne sat paying half attention to what was on the TV and half her attention on her blackberry that she was texting her husband Phil letting him know all the latest news on Karen and what was happening. They weren’t waiting long before a doctor came to them and said that they were ready and Karen could be transferred. The other hospital wasn’t far from the one that Karen had been currently staying in so didn’t take them that long to get there it looked a lot nicer than the other one they hadn’t even got inside yet and it didn’t even look like a hospital which made Karen feel a little more secure and safer. Chris and Jayne both took her to the reception desk and were guided to Karen’ new room for the next five week by a specialist nurse called Chantelle who was going to be looking after Karen while she was there. Chantelle was lovely she was only in her early 20’s and managed to bound so well with Karen when they met Jayne and Chris both knew that Karen was in safe hands with her and she would look after her very well.
Sorry not as long as I usually update this one x
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
Rating: PG
It had now been 5 weeks since Karen had been transferred over to the other hospital and she was doing brilliantly everyone could see she’d made so much progress especially Chris and Jayne who had been at the hospital everyday to see how she was doing and to give her some company. She had settled in really well and the people there were lovely it defiantly was like no hospital she’d been to before it actually felt more like home and everyone was made to feel welcome. It was so lovely when to see Karen holding Kayla who was now 6 months old in her arms kissing her little head and smiling lovingly at her daughter. It made Chris get butterflies in his stomach it was so exciting for him and he was so happy that finally she’d hold their daughter. He made his self comfy as he sat next to his two girls on the bed putting arm around Karen’s shoulder and stroked her arm gently.
“I’ve just been speaking to Chantelle and she thinks you are ready to come home today and this, time your real home… that’s if you are ready though?”
“Yes of course I’m ready we’re going to be a proper little family and Kayla is going to be the most spoilt and loved little girl ever in the World… she’s so beautiful I can’t believe how stupid and silly I’ve been to not want her she’s gorgeous absolutely gorgeous aren’t you?” she smiled placing another kiss on the top of Kayla’s dainty head.
“Just like her mother then gorgeous… and you haven’t been silly Karen baby you’ve had a lot happen in your head it’s not your fault you’re better now and that’s the main thing… come on let’s pack your stuff and we can get going and can pick up a pizza on the way home too if you want?” he said placing a kiss on Karen’s head then little Kayla’s.
“Yes that will be great the foods been nice and everything here definitely a lot better than that other place but it’s all green leaves and that stuff it will be nice to have something takeaway for once the first time in months and some proper me and you time once Kayla is off to sleep too” he smiled back at her and rubbed her back with his warm hand before he began to pack Karen’s stuff.
Chris packed everything of Karen’s away as he always had more patience with things like that than Karen had ever had if she would have done it everything would have just been all dumped in and as creased as hell when it came out. Karen stood up with Kayla in her arms and placed her carefully into her carry-cot putting a fluffy pale pink blanket over legs and feet.
“Aww she’s beautiful and you’re a brilliant mummy to her too” Chantelle came in to see how Karen was and wanted to say a proper goodbye to her before she left.
“Thank you so, so, so much for looking after me and helping me get my life back on track I’m so grateful for it honestly I am you’re wonderful I will miss you but hope we can keep in touch and I will be back for my monthly check ups or whatever it is they are” Karen whispered as both women shared a friendly hug.
“It was no problem that’s why I’m here, to help people like you get better and you’ve been such a lovely lady I don’t think we’ve ever had anyone as nice as you in here before… and yes I’d love to keep in touch with you I think everyone is going to miss you here” Chantelle’s eyes began to well up with tears.
“Aww, don’t cry… do you want to hold her?” she looked down at Kayla.
“Yeah I’d love to if that’s fine with you?” Karen lifted her baby out the carry-cot and placed her wrapped up in the blanket in Chantelle’s arms.
*** “Can I get Kayla ready for bed tonight please?”
“Yeah of course baby she is your daughter too I would never stop you from being with her” he reassured her.
“I will take her up now then she looks very tiered her little eyes are fighting to stay open”
“This would usually be the time I put her to bed anyway” Chris said looking down at his watch.
Kayla’s room looked beautiful it was so pretty and proper girly, girly Chris had done a great job of decorating it while Karen had been away everything was a baby pink colour and the theme was all princess and fairy’s. Chris had done an amazing job of buying their daughter baby-grows and little outfits too quite surprisingly her clothes all matched and Karen was very impressed by Chris’s shopping skills as he had never really been the type of person who was into clothes shopping and fashion sense. Karen pulled out a long sleeved baby-grow that had rabbits on it, a nappy and wipes and everything else she needed to bath and get Kayla ready for bed. An hour later baby Kayla was fast asleep dreaming in Karen’s arms Karen didn’t want to put her down but knew she couldn’t just stand there all night she needed to go to bed too at some point. She lay her down in her cot without disturbing her dreams kissed her goodnight before she switched the light off pulling the door up but on quarter the way and taking the baby monitor with her and turning it on.
“She settles down straight away doesn’t she?” Karen asked very please with herself.
“Yes and most nights will sleep the whole way through too”
“I’m very impressed by your clothes shopping to I must say all the tiny outfits are matching and colour coordinated”
“Now some you and me time, come on let’s go upstairs and have an early night” Karen moved over closer to Chris wrapping her arms around his neck and placing soft passionate kisses on his lips something she hadn’t done properly in quite a while.
“Are you sure you’re ready, don’t fear that I’m going to go off with someone else because nothing is happening upstairs… I love you and want you to be happy and 110% better before we go rushing into things… I’m able to wait a little while longer if you’re not up to it yet?”
“I’m sure… It’s been ages if we wait any longer I will forget what to do” she joked making Chris laugh.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
