Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: At the moment PG but will go higher.
*** “Did you have a good time?”Jayne asked the happy couple as they walked in the studios on the day after they had come back from their honeymoon which was also Karen’s Christmas present from Chris – Jayne was excited to see them both and Karen was too about seeing Jayne wanting to catch up on all the latest gossip she had missed.
“Yes, it was brilliant”
“Yes it was even though I have come back totally skint I don’t know if the shopping trip was the best idea in the world”… “But as longs as you’re happy baby I don’t care” he said getting very close to his wife their hands linking together as they shared a passionate kiss before putting their skates on.
They broke off the kiss when they realised Jayne was standing there with them awkwardly not knowing where to look or what to say to her two friends. Once their skates were on Chris waited for Karen who was taking her thick coat off then they stepped onto the ice hand in hand gracefully gliding over to Jayne who was at the end of the rink waiting for them to start.
“Karen!” Jayne said totally surprised.
“Yes”
“What’s that?” she said looking at Karen up and down.
“What’s what?” Karen replied knowing exactly what her friend was on about.
“That”…”Is it what I think it is?” Jayne pointed at Karen.
“Oh that”…. “Yes it is”
“Is it real?”
“Yes of course it’s bloody real” both women laughed a little before going into conversation.
“How far gone are you then?”
“24 weeks”
“How have you kept it secret for that long?”…”And why have I not noticed before?”
“I didn’t find out until we were away I just woke up one morning and this bump appeared then just keeps growing and growing”
***
“You look beautiful babe” Chris said placing soft kissing down Karen’s neck then coming back up and placing a soft passionate kiss on her lips.
“And you don’t look bad yourself either” she replied cheekily.
“Well thank you darling”
“Are you alright?” a very concerned Chris asked as his wife stood in front of him turning a little pale to what she was just a few seconds ago.
“Yeah fine just feel a bit sick that’s all I’m fine”…”Look put your hand here a minute” and Karen placed Chris’s hand on her stomach.
“No wonder you’re feeling sick its kicking away in there”…”that’s going to be a little boy”
“How do you know?”…”Since when have you become an expert on pregnancy and babies?” she laughed.
“Because it’s practising its football skills in there so it must be a little boy”
“But it could be a little girl”…”Girls do play football too you know”
“Yes, yes but it’s going to be a boy”
“If you say so”
“I know so”…”Look we have another before we have to go on air why don’t you have a lie down for a bit before then?” he asked.
“Hmm”…”Where you going?”
“Nowhere”
“Ok then will you lie with me I think I need a cuddle”
“Yeah sure babe”
For the next hour Karen, Chris and their little baby that was due at the end of the series lie in the middle of the bed all cuddled up just waiting to be called on air.
***
“Karen” …”Karen”…”Is she ok?” Chris said running over as quickly as he could to his wife. The couple that were on the ice had stopped skating and everyone in the audience had gone quiet and trying to find out what was happening talking quietly to each other.
“Karen please talk to me”…”What happened?” Chris took her hand and held it in his panicking not knowing what to do or what was happening Jayne was sat with them trying to keep Chris calm while they cleared the area and got the paramedics backstage to come.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: At the moment PG but will go higher.
*** Karen was rushed into an ambulance with Chris by her side not letting go of her hand and placing small calming kisses on her cheek to try and calm her a little more.
“I love baby and everything is going to be all right I promise you” he spoke to Karen reassuring her and small tears were forming in his eyes as he had a horrid feeling that it wasn’t all going to be ok.
“Chris”…”Don’t leave me”
“I won’t I would and will never leave you sweetheart no matter what”
They soon arrived at the hospital and Karen was taken straight down to a private ward where it would just be herself and Chris. A doctor and midwife were sent down to see Karen straight away who was now finding it hard to breathe and losing a lot of blood making her turn very anaemic and making Chris panic even more. After doing a few tests and the midwife had done a scan on Karen they began to move her down to theatre explaining on the way what was going to happen.
“It looks like you’re having twins Mrs Dean”… “However there is some complications and we can’t seem to underline the problem at the moment that’s causing you to lose as much blood as you are”…”It’s either we do a Caesarean Section now or risk not just your babies life’s but your own too”
They prepped for theatre – Chris was given a pale green coloured theatre overall to put on and stood by Karen’s side looking down smiling into her beautiful eyes and stroking the side of her face in the hand that was free. 15 minutes into the c-section and their first child had been delivered it was a little girl weighing exactly 4lb which was quite healthy for being 3 months premature, their first little girl had been taken away for a few minutes to be checked and was brought back wrapped up in a white fluffy towel and was placed in Chris’s arms. Karen looked up a smiled weakly she didn’t have the strength or energy to look hold the tiny bundle.
“She’s beautiful just like her mother” Karen smiled again and Chris lent down putting a kiss on her forehead “Now are you going to have a little brother or sister”
“Sister” Karen managed to get out hoping it would be another little girl but wasn’t really that bothered either way.
“Whatever it is it we are going to have two gorgeous babies”
It seemed to take a lot longer to deliver the second twin than it did the first and doctors were quite worried about the second little girl to be born finally 17 minutes later after the first delivered both of the baby girls had been brought into the World. But doctors were still quite worried about the second twin who was having problems trying to breathe on her own and was more of a blue colour rather than peachy. Karen could sense something was wrong and she was still losing a lot of blood herself and the panic of not knowing what was wrong with her second baby was making it worse.
“What’s wrong with my baby?”…”Chris what’s happening?” she began sobbing quietly and a nurse came over to try and calm her down.
“Mrs Dean”…”Please can you try and stay calm your little girl is having problems breathing on her own and is much, much smaller than your first she only weighs 1lb 9oz, during the 6 months you had been carrying the twins the umbilical-cord had got wrapped around the second twin meaning oxygen couldn’t travel properly to both of the babies and that is why one is having problems with her breathing now, but our doctors are trying their best to stable her.”
Karen had been moved back to the private ward with little Kayla in a cot dressed in a pale pink baby grow by her side sleeping peacefully and Chris was lying next to Karen both worrying about their other daughter, who was up in an intensive care unit especially for premature babies. They hadn’t had a baby as premature as Kaitlin up on the ward in over a year though and of course she was getting all the attentions as doctors were very concerned.
“Do you think she’s going to be alright?” the little northerner managed to get out worried to death about her daughters health.
“Yes”…”She’s a fighter like her mother of course she’s going to be alright and they said you can go up and see her in a bit”…”why don’t you try and get some sleep before we go up to see her you look exhausted” Karen rested her head on Chris’s chest as her eyes shut tightly she couldn’t keep them open much longer but didn’t want to sleep at the same time as she was so worried about her baby.
***
There was a beeping noise running around in Karen’s head her vision was all blurry and she couldn’t think straight, no one around her mattered it was like the World had come to its end as she sobbed loudly.
“What’s happening?”…”My baby what’s happening to her?” she was practically screaming most of the hospital could hear her scream and the nurse tried to help by getting her to sit down and take deep breathes.
“I’m sorry Mrs Dean but your baby has died”…”She was very premature and lucky enough to live as long as she did for those few hours” Chris took her hands pulling her up and into him for a comforting hug but he was pushed away.
“Get away from me, I don’t want you near me”…”You said everything was going to be ok and turn out perfect” she continued to sob her heart out and scream uncontrollably as she fell to the floor refusing help or support from anyone she just wanted to be on her own, this was all she’d ever dreamt of having her own perfect little family again but now it had all changed.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: At the moment PG but will go higher.
***
“Chris please can you just go for a while I want to be on my own”
“But…”
“Please it still hasn’t sunk in I just need some time on my own and I’m sorry about earlier”
He left Karen in the room with baby Kaitlin on her own like she had requested – it was better for everyone’s sake and Karen was very good at getting her own way. Reality had now kicked in that her baby had died – it was no one’s fault it was just one of those things that happens Kaitlin was very premature and in a way it was kinder that she had passed away, as she would have grown up with several different health problems that would have made her life hell basically and she wouldn’t have been able to live a very independent life. Warm tears fells slowly from Karen’s delicate eyes as she picked Kaitlin up out from the cot she had been put it she was dressed in a pale pink baby grow that drowned her being as small as she was. Karen couldn’t believe at how small she actually was and how very little she weighed she was just a little bigger than Karen’s hand but not much bigger, it was actually unreal but real. There was a creamy coloured fluffy blanket with a little teddy bear in the corner of it hanging over the end of the cot she picked it up wrapping it ever so carefully around her daughter picking her up again and rocking her gently in her arms, being very careful also so she didn’t hurt her in any - way even though she would not have felt it. They walked around the room together Kaitlin still being cradled in Karen’s not so warm arms anymore – she had left her dressing gown up on the ward she was in herself they stood by the window looking out of it the sun was starting to rise leaving the sky a weird colour but very pretty it was. Gently Karen stroked the tiny baby’s head with her thumb and placed soft motherly kisses on her daughter’s forehead and whispering to her quietly.
“I love will always love you and never forget that my precious”…”This was never meant to happen and especially not to you but you’re going to be in a better place up there than you are down here you were a very sick little girl and would have found life very hard to live and there are some very cruel and nasty people out there too I couldn’t have let you have to put up with that for the whole of your life”…”Mummy and Daddy will always love you though and think of you every day there will always be a big very special part of you in my heart and I we will make sure you are part of your sisters life too”…”No one will forget about you for the rest of our lives’ and it kills me that you couldn’t be with us longer than the few hours you were”
There was a knock at the door as Karen was in a sort of like trance which made her jump a little and turn around.
“I’m sorry Mrs Dean but your time is up with your daughter now you’re going to have to put her back in the cot” The nurse could see the tears as they feel from Karen’s eyes as she placed Kaitlin back in the cot delicately kissing her cheeks and forehead again before having to leave her little girl.
“Remember our little conversation mummy and daddy and Kayla will always love and never forget you sweetheart” this made the nurse a little emotional hearing Karen say these words and felt really bad and cruel for having to make her go back to her own ward.
Back at in the private ward Karen had been put on Chris was sitting in the chair by the bed with little Kayla in his arms rocking her back to sleep.
“Shhh...”…”Shhh Mummy will be back soon she’s just gone to say goodbye to your sister”…”You know what’s happened don’t you” Chris just had this sense of feeling that Kayla could sense something was up with her twin sister and that’s why she wouldn’t stop crying.
When he saw Karen enter the room he got up walking over to her wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into him for a comforting hug still with little Kayla in his arm who was nearly asleep now.
“Are you feeling a bit better now you’ve had some time on your own with Kaitlin?” he asked kissing her lips.
“Yes” came a very quiet and short reply with a nod of the head.
“Kayla she can sense something is not right with her sister she’s not stopped crying ever since”…”Do you want to take her?”
“No I’m a little tired at the moment I just want to sleep”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes what if I drop her or something I will hold her after I’ve had a sleep you take her for a little while longer”
“Ok if you’re sure but I don’t want to feel like I’m not taking over her”
“Chris”…”Its fine honestly take her for a walk of something while I get some rest”
“Ok baby have a good sleep and we will be back in a bit”
Again Chris done as Karen had asked and he took Kayla for a little walk around the mother and baby unit of the hospital and got chatting away to some of the other fathers that were there too. He could sense that something wasn’t right with Karen but just put it down to the loss of their daughter which he was very upset about himself so he just allow her to have her own space at the moment.
Hope it's not getting too boring let me know if it is!
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: At the moment PG but will go higher.
***
"How did you sleep?” Chris lent over placing a kiss on Karen’s check.
“I didn’t I couldn’t no matter how much I tried”
“Do you want me to get Kayla out the cot for you?”
“No it’s fine she is perfectly fine where she is?” she said shaking her head at the same time.
“Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yes I’m just tired stop fussing will you I can’t be sitting in a hospital and you going on fussing” anger was building up inside Karen as Chris was fussing over her well that’s what she thought it was – fuss.
“I’m sorry but this isn’t like you at all” he apologised.
“Look at her she’s just beautiful like her mother”…”Karen look”
“No I don’t want to bloody look”
“Karen”
“Don’t even start going on at me”
”I’m not going to but I’m very concerned about you, you were so excited about being a mum again what’s changed now?”…”You won’t even look at our beautiful baby there is obviously something wrong please just tell me”
“You are just carrying on as if nothing has happened we have lost one of our babies just a few hours ago you may not be that bothered about it but I am”
“Of course I am don’t be so stupid she was my daughter as-well us blokes we have different ways of showing our emotions though but trust me I am very upset so don’t you dare say I’m not”
That was the end of that conversation for a while Karen turned around onto her left side facing the door and pulling the covers over her head and sobbed her little heart out quietly hoping Chris wouldn’t see her, or anyone for that matter. Chris sat in the big cushy chair that was in-between the bed and the cot just thinking thing through in his head knowing that the next few months were going to be very difficult indeed. He watched as both his sleeping beauty’s slept peacefully Karen who was still under the cover away from everyone and facing away from Chris.
There was a nurse sitting at the reception desk area of that ward who wasn’t very busy so he decided to go and chat with talk to her he was very concerned about Karen he wasn’t just saying that he was and very worried what she was going to do if this was only the affect of a few hours then what’s it going to be like a few weeks time.
“Hello I’m a little concerned to say the least about my wife Karen over in the private ward there is there any chance we could have a word I’m really worried about her”
“Yes of course what seems to be the problem”…”I’m very sorry for the loss of your little girl too and I take it that has something to do with it too am I right?”
“Yes I think it is I don’t know I’m not entirely sure I’m no doctor”…”I’ve tried talking to her but it just landed up more as an argument and doesn’t understand that I do have feelings but just have different ways of showing them”
“Are these feelings about the loss of your daughter?”
“Yes she thinks that I’m not bothered the slightest bit about it but I am very upset and it makes me even more upset that she’s upset, she’s also trying her every way possible to block little Kayla out now too she won’t hold her or anything she won’t even look at her and every time I mention her name she just goes on one and blocks everything out”…”I really don’t know what to do and scared she’s going to get worse”
“It sounds like your wife is suffering from not only the loss of your daughter but postnatal depression”…”are you aware of what this is?”
“Sort of I’ve heard of it but like I said before I’m no doctor could you explain”
“That’s perfectly fine we get asked about it a lot”…” postnatal depression is a depression that’s known for after childbirth, hormones cause the mother to lose interest in her baby, it’s very rare to start this early but can sometimes happen usually it happens a week after the birth, there are many different symptoms that postnatal depression causes and can last up to a year”
“Can she get any worse throughout this time?”
“I hate to say this but yes the most common symptoms are hopelessness, sadness, low self-esteem, guilt, social withdrawal and can cause sleeping and eating disorders as well”…”I can get you some leaflets all about it is you with some advise on them the best thing you can do is to be as supportive of her as you can which I can see you will be let her know that you are there for her and she will come round hopefully in a few months time, however if you feel it is getting to serious then let her GP know we can put her on some anti-depressant pills which she should take twice a day and that should help too I will bring you those leaflets over in a bit”
The nurse said trying to reassure Chris that Karen would be back on track in no time with that last little but he left her to get back on with the work she had to do as there had now been a massive pile of paperwork she had to file been brought up and placed next to her. For the rest of that day Chris sat with Karen trying to comfort her by holding her tightly in his arms and the nurse would come in every now and then showing Chris how to change, dress, bath and feed Kayla he knew he knew he had his work cut out for him – but not in a bad way over the next few months gathering he would be becoming a full time dad until Karen got over the depression however long that was going to be no one knew, and nor did they know how bad the depression was going to get guess they would have to wait and find out and just hope for the best and keep thinking positively.
More?
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: 15
*** The three of them had now been in the hospital for 5 days just to make sure there were no health problems with Kayla and also to keep an eye on Karen as she suffered the depression, she seemed to of got slightly better over the last couple of days now communicating better with everyone but still no interest in Kayla at all. Chris put the baby pink coat on his first ever daughter who he was so proud of then put a baby pink blanket around her that matched the coat before carrying her down to the reception to collect Karen’s prescription for the anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Karen just lay on the bed waiting for them to come back – Chris had packed their stuff up earlier on that day so they were ready and could go as soon as the nurse said it was ok too.
“Are you ready?” Chris asked calmly he wasn’t expecting an answer as Karen was still very upset she just stood up and started to walk towards the door while he put the Kayla in her car seat being left to carry her out to the car along with their belongings as well.
The journey home was quite tense no one said anything, Kayla was sleeping peacefully and Karen had turned the radio off as soon as they got in the car complaining of a headache from the lack of sleep she had had over the course of the week. It only took them 25 minutes to get back to their home however it seemed like they had been travelling for over an hour as it was so tense. When they pulled up in the driveway Chris got out first opening the front door and Karen went in leaving Chris to bring Kayla and the luggage in, she kicked her Uggs off going off upstairs to their bedroom locking the door behind her and just lying quietly on her side of the bed staring at the wall thinking about things as small tears fell down her face.
Kayla had settled in very well to her new environment Chris had set up a mosses basket that had soft cream blankets in it downstairs in the living room by the large sofa so he could keep an eye on her and make sure she was ok. He had got used to the whole full time dad thing already and doing a very good job too, he’d just given Kayla her 3rd bottle of the day which was quite a lot for a new born baby and had put her back down to sleep which she had done most of the day.
“Karen”…”here I’ve brought you something to eat” he knocked on the bedroom door then entered with a plate of ham and cheese sandwiches nicely presented on the plate with a cool glass of water and her tablets that she had to take twice a day.
“I’m not hungry” she said pushing the plate away that had been placed in front of her.
“Come on, you’ve got to eat something or you’re going to be back in hospital”
“No”…”I’m not hungry”
“Please Karen”…”Eat something even if it’s just one tiny bite”…”Please” Chris begged he was seriously worried about her and hated to see her like she was so unhappy and upset is made him upset.
Kayla began to cry Chris had been upstairs with Karen for an hour now trying to get her to eat something but having no luck.
“Well I’m leaving the plate here so if you decide you want to eat then it’s just here”…”but take these while I’m here that’s all I’m asking” Chris passed the 2 tablets over to Karen she placed them on the top of her tongue then swallowed. They didn’t have a very nice taste Chris could tell from the facial expression Karen pulled as she took small sips of the water.
The next few weeks dragged out so long and Karen didn’t seem to be getting any better in fact she was getting worse by the day. She’d was practically a pile of bones she’d lost so much weight from not eating properly, she hadn’t left the house or socialised with anyone she just mostly spent her days upstairs locked away in the bedroom where she could be alone to suffer which didn’t really bother her but it didn’t Chris who was going out of his mind. He had to leave Jayne in charge of training and rehearsals on her own as he couldn’t leave Karen any longer than hour without worrying to his self to death and was having to take Kayla into the studios with him, Karen wasn’t in a fitness state to be left on her own let alone with a new born baby that she wouldn’t even go near. No one knew how bad the depression had got to Karen and there was a little secret that Chris hadn’t yet found out about Karen was just hoping each time he never would.
__________________
She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: 15
***
“Are you ready?”
“I’m not going”
“Karen I know it’s going to be a very upsetting day but we are burying our daughter you have to come”
“I can’t I’m sorry”
“Karen…”
“Chris no I’m sorry it makes me sick just thinking about it”
“At least come to the church service then I can bring you back here straight after”…”You don’t have to say anything and if you get there a feel you really can’t cope then you can leave just please Karen”
After an hour of Chris had finally convinced Karen to come to the Church service to bury their daughter he knew that it was going to be very upsetting for her, for both of them but he knew that it wouldn’t be right if she didn’t go. Karen spent a quick five minutes on her make-up which she hadn’t worn since Kaitlin and Kayla had been born and put a brush through her soft blonde locks. She got changed into a black dress it was just a plain very simple dress that came just above the knee the dress once fitted her properly but now looked awful on her, no lie if you were to be honest she looked awful she looked like a skeleton there was just nothing of her it was like she was fading away into thin air. She put a black long sleeved cardigan over the top thinking no one would notice her dramatic weight lose but how wrong was she it wasn’t like you could not notice. Chris just looked at his wife as she joined him and Kayla in the living room.
“Karen darling you look so ill what have you done to yourself?”
“Nothing”
“You look awful how much weight have you lost?” however much aware of this Karen was herself she didn’t want to admit it just acting like she wasn’t aware of her dramatic weight loss.
Being the circumstances Chris decided to save the argument until a little later on as they were just about to go a bury their baby girl and realised that Karen would get a lot of very concerned and worried looks glared at her which he was a little concerned at how she was going to react too being in the state she was currently in.
“It’s nearly time to go have you had your tablets?”
“Yes” she replied quietly then bursting into tears and getting slightly out of breath just standing there from the lack of food and drink she’d had over the last few weeks. Chris wrapped his arms around her but ever so carefully and was so scared he was going to break her physically if as she was that thin and weak now, it felt horrible and made him feel sick physically he could feel her touch as there was nothing left of her but he didn’t let go of her however ill it made him feel.
Sorry it's only a short bit I've got to go out now but might do some more later when I get back! x
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: 15
*** Chris tucked a blanket around Kayla who was in the carrycot ready to go, Karen flashed a very weak smile at her daughter for the first time but quickly looked away again. It hurt her inside that she couldn’t look at her baby and made her really angry that she didn’t know why she couldn’t bring herself to look at her baby either. They soon arrived at the little church that was just down the road from Elstree studios it was a very old church that had been there over 60 years and still in its original form, it was of London’s most popular church’s and the church itself looked very pretty from both in and outside there was nothing special about it though it was just plain and simple. Jayne and her husband Phil pulled up in the car park across from the church next to Karen and Chris. Chris got out the car and Jayne gave him a supporting hug she could feel the cold fresh tears that fell from his face as he rested his head on top of hers, once the hug broke off and more people started to arrive he opened the back door that was behind the driver’s seat and unstrapped Kayla’s carrycot passing her to Jayne to carry while he sorted Karen out, who was still sat in the car staring into space away with the fairies.
“How is she doing?” Jayne asked with concern.
“I don’t know to be honest she won’t speak to anyone but she looks awful” Jayne could see the concern and worry in her best friends face she knew how much he loved Karen and would do anything for her and it made Chris feel down that at that precise moment he couldn’t do anything to make her happy.
“I can’t do it” the tiny little northern voice said.
“You can you’re a fighter remember” however this wasn’t the case at the moment but he had faith that she was a fighter far from true it was though.
He took her hand ever so carefully a lump formed in his throat as he felt and saw the bones in her hand and she was no longer wearing her wedding ring it was way too big for her to wear at the moment so she’d taken it off to keep it safe. She was that weak of energy that Chris had to help her out the car Jayne just turned away instantly when she saw the state of Karen it caused pain inside her to see her best friend suffering like she was the last time Jayne had seen Karen was 5 weeks ago.
The service wasn’t very big it was just family from both sides and very close friends, they sat at the front of the church where there was a tiny, tiny coffin and a picture that was taken of Kaitlin when she was just a couple of hours old. As soon as Karen saw it she looked away down at the floor she but then saw Kayla sitting there fast asleep in her carrycot down by Chris’s feet she turned to look the other way but could feel the stare of people looking at her.
“Karen where you going”
“I can’t do it”…”I just can’t”
“I’m coming with you then”
“No I’m fine just stay here I just need to get some fresh air” Karen insisted and Chris watched in pain as she ran out as fast as she could you could hear her breathlessness echo in the church that seemed a lot quieter than usual.
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
I absolutely love this fic its so sad though :( please make Karen better so she can love baby kayla and Chris and everyone again, an not just be a pile of bones...Please update tomorrow xx
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Characters this fic and I came up with the idea myself and there is no offence or anything intended. Sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. You will not see the reason for the title until a bit later on.
Rating: 16+
Jayne pulled softly at Chris’s arm she could see the fear in his face but she knew Karen very well and knew that when she was upset she liked to have her own space with no one around her. That was one thing she had learnt over the many years of being best friends with Karen, Karen was more like her younger sister now rather than a friend and Jayne loved to look out and be there for her whenever she needed.
“Just leave her be…” Jayne said looking into her best friend’s eyes as they were filling up with painful tears.
“She’s going to be ok isn’t she?” he asked not so sure she was if he was to be honest with himself looking down at Kayla who was still fast asleep, Chris just wondering if she was even oblivious of what was happening around her.
“…I don’t know to be honest… what’s the worst that can happen” Jayne replied after a 7 second pause and if she was also to be honest with herself she wasn’t so sure Karen was going to be ok or if she should even be left on her own.
“That’s the worrying part… she’s capable of anything at the moment” Jayne wrapped her arms around Chris comforting him as he sobbed.
“Shhh… do you want me to go and make sure she’s ok?” she asked genuinely.
“Please… it’s worth a try but she won’t talk to anyone so don’t take it personally if she won’t talk to you”
“I understand how she’s feeling right now remember I’ve been there myself… I know she can’t help her behaviour at the moment” People watched Jayne until she was no longer in the church Chris hadn’t even looked around to look at anyone all he could think about was Karen and Kaitlin the service was soon going to start with 5 minutes left and Jayne wasn’t yet back. When outside she looked stopped for a moment just looking around in search for Karen there was no sign of her at first then there was the sound of hurt tears in the quietness of the graveyard that had aerie atmosphere to it all around as was thick fog. She followed the direction of the cries finally reaching a bench round the back of the church where she found Karen shivering to death on her own.
The sight she saw as she stood in front of her best friend was quite simply horrific she’d never seen Karen like this ever before in all the time she’d known her. Karen could feel the presence of someone being with her but didn’t look up to see who it was she didn’t care who it was she just continued to scar herself with the broken stick she’d found lying by the bench. Her arms where now that thin she’d managed to cut right through the skin leaving a massive gash on the inside of her wrist and made several other gashes up the other arm too, she’d taken her coat off and was just sat frozen to death. Jayne didn’t know what to say or do at first she could see her friend was in no right state of mind did she go and get Chris or just leave it and sort it out herself the questions went round in her head for a few moments, eventually settling on trying to sort it out herself – Chris had enough on his plate to worry about at the moment and this would just make things worse.
Jayne took her coat off feeling the chill in the minus temperatures as she did and placed it around Karen’s shoulders, Karen could feel the warmth of the inner layer of her best friend’s coat on her frozen skin that had now turned a pale blue it made her feel safe and secure for the first time in quite a while. Jayne took hold of the wrist Karen had cut using the sharp end of the broken stick she stroked Karen’s hand gently before she spoke.
“Karen darling what have you done?” she asked very concerned sounding like she was her mother.
“I know how you are feeling right now so please let me help you… I felt exactly the same when I lost Toby after the birth” Tears began to well up in Jayne’s eyes when she thought back to the day when she lost her first son “I know it sounds so cruel but you have to put it behind you and move on or the rest of your life will feel like hell… stop beating yourself up about it, it’s not your fault it’s just one of these things that happens it’s no one’s fault especially not yours… just think you’re lucky to still have Kayla who survived and you can watch her grow up then when she’s older tell her about what happened to her sister… I know your circumstances are slightly different in the way you’re also suffering from post depression at the moment as well but there’s no need to do this to your self... you’re a fighter that’s the Karen I know that everyone know s and I’m always here for you if you ever want to talk or ask about something you know that”
Karen looked up at Jayne for the first time their eye’s meeting each other’s Karen’s filled deep with unhappiness, helplessness and fear she wrapped one arm around her best friend and Jayne held her tightly feeling physically sick inside at the feel of how thin her Karen had got and for the first time in weeks Karen began to speak to someone other than Chris however she didn’t say very much but it was a start.
“Thank you” Karen whispered emotionally into Jayne’s ear.
“You’re welcome… just remember I’m always going to be here for you, you’re more than just my best friend but the younger sister I never had I want to look out for you and make sure there’s nothing hurting you whether its inside or outside”
“I know and you’re the older sister I never had too”
Could Karen’s depression get any worse than what it already is or is she going to finally go back to the Karen everyone knows?!
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She explained: 'Chris is happy because I am' "Make the most of your time and have no regrets."
